I hope that one day I can be as balls-y as Colin Dunning.

I talked to Colin again today who is having the time of his life as it rains cats and dogs in California... And the more I talk to him, the more I wish I could be like him. Not in the respect that I would just drop everything and go to film school, because let's face it... I don't know the first thing about making movies. I would just like to do something out of the ordinary. Out of all of my friends, Colin was the only one who decided to go to film school while the rest of us went to a 4-year college. Don't get me wrong, I love college, I think it was the right thing for me to do... but my mindset has always been this way. I've always done the "right" thing. When will I step out of the ordinary and just do something for me? Something that I want to do. And I guess in a way this is what going to London is to me. It's me not doing what's required of me. If anything, I'll probably genuinely like it so much I may stay for the summer, who knows. Life is too short and I think I'm just starting to realize that I need to do something that I am without a doubt passionate about that makes me happy. This is what film is to Colin, and I love that he is bold enough to be "unconventional" as some of us would say, but you know what? Who cares about what's conventional and what's not - he is having the time of his life. And he's probably learned more in his first week in California than we have learned our whole first semester of college. Or at least, he's learned more useful things than we have... like the dynamics of people in a big city, just being able to observe people and their different mindsets is enough to put him a step of all of us. Everyone is so much alike in college... you could even categorize the people. You can't do that in a big city because everybody has their own story. It's not like we don't have our own stories, but they're pretty much all the same... "I grew up in suburbia and now I'm in the school of engineering at tech... and that's about it, oh yeah, GO HOKIES!" Colin gets the luxury of seeing the world for what it is, he's gets to see it's disfunction, he gets to see peoples careers go down the drain while other's are just sarting. Nobody is the same in his world. And that's the world that I am itching to see. I feel like I've been so sheltered from everything that is bad, and I don't blame my parents, nor do I blame my friends, or anybody else. It's no one's fault really. I understand that everyone is just looking out for one another, but it would be nice to see the world for what it is for the first time. I don't want to live in a bubble... because that's not our reality. So here's to London and Spring Semester 2006... and doing it for me.

and i sing and sing of awful things - the pleasure that my sadness brings...