Zach Webber... making ladies smile since '86

Zach: nooooo but ill ask around the town so turn that frown upside down!
Me: thanks sooo much!
Z: yuuuuuuup
M: yayayayay!
M: will you let me know by friday?
Z: indeed
M: hey so guess who i saw in owens today
M: i mean you might know him
Z: who dat?
M: he's in SAE
M: his name starts with a z
M: i mean he's a pretty cool guy
Z: ohh waiiiit
Z: hmm this is a hard one
Z: is he reaaal y hot?
M: duh.
Z: and like the coolest kid this side of the mason dixon line?
Z: well , on both sides pretty much . . .
M: yes and heck yes
Z: oh i know exactly who it is
Z: except for his name doesn't start with a z
Z: it starts with an m and "he" is a "she"
M: ha ha ha
Z: and she is
Z: myrtle the turtle
M: is she a pretty hot gametocyte?
Z: not as hot as you ooctye