This just in... via Michael L.

A U.Va Scandal... gasp! Wahoo-wahhhhhat? (<~ corny, I know, but I had to)

Dear VP of Student Affairs,
As I was dry-humping to the beats of Lil' Jon and Outkast in my sailor-prostitute costume with my boyfriend, who was wearing a Penis- costume on Halloween, we noticed this pale gentleman who was dancing very well making the rest of us look lanky and akward. Upon further investigation we noticed that this was no pale gentleman at all but one of those "negroes" with white make up dressed as one of us, aka nice, brand-name pastel clothing with flipped collar. We were appalled by such immoral indecent and immature behavior and demand apologies for such degradation and humiliation to our race.

-Tiffany O'Whiteypants & Fratty McRich

Clearly this is the satire form of the letter that was actually written... but uh, need I say... cry a fucking river and get over it?!