This conversation made me laugh...

Abracadaver 03: i have a question
Surf N Waves 04: go for it
Abracadaver 03: i have some t-shirts that are slightly too large, how could I shrink them?
Surf N Waves 04: hot water
Abracadaver 03: how much would it shrink them?
Surf N Waves 04: really hot water
Surf N Waves 04: um if they're 100% cotton hopefully a full size
Abracadaver 03: could i get water that hot from the washer?
Surf N Waves 04: yeah
Surf N Waves 04: i think so
Surf N Waves 04: and then dry it hot
Abracadaver 03: okay
Abracadaver 03: thanks
Surf N Waves 04: yep
Abracadaver 03: when are we hanging out?
Surf N Waves 04: when do you want to?
Abracadaver 03: whenever
Surf N Waves 04: whenever is good
Abracadaver 03: hmm
Abracadaver 03: are you free any during the week?
Surf N Waves 04: not this week i have so much work to do
Surf N Waves 04: i'm such a nerd.
Abracadaver 03: hahaha
Abracadaver 03: okay
Abracadaver 03: we'll get it together soon
Surf N Waves 04: i promise i will
Abracadaver 03: good
Surf N Waves 04: mmm hmm
Surf N Waves 04: i'm gonna go read my life away and nerd it up
Surf N Waves 04: good luck with the t-shirts.
Abracadaver 03: thanks
Surf N Waves 04: yep. goodnight
Abracadaver 03: night

So I fall I don't want to feel this small
You know I just can't handle this
Handle this at all
And I'll just fall I
let my heartbeat drop
I falter as the music stops
And you watch me as I stall
And wonder when I fall

You know sometimes people disappoint you and they don't even realize it and it's times like these when you begin to lose all faith in them and wonder why you had so much faith in them. Today was one of those days and tonight was one of those nights where everything that could possibly hit the fan and come right back at you did and if there was one word to describe how I feel it's SHIT. Guys say girls are so hard to decipher sometimes when really the only way we feel the way we do sometimes is because they put us in this position.

This is it.

"Love is not a victory march - it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah"

I don't know why I am so incredibly sad or why I have been the way I am lately. I don't know why I am so stressed out. My course load isn't even hard. What came first? The music or the misery? - I can tell you that the music adds to the misery. I don't know. I am so emotionally unstable right now it's ridiculous. I find myself on the verge of tears constantly and I have no explination.

What is wrong with me?

I've been listening to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack because I've been in that mood and it's kind of depressing to listen to songs such as this one:

"Your Song" ~ Ewan McGregor (originally Elton John)

My gift is my song and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in wordsHow wonderful life is now you're in the world

I sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss
Well some of these verses, well they, they got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody that this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

Our CD stores here in Blacksburg are not very good. It's actually really disappointing. REALLY disappointing. I've been to Crossroads and the Record Exchange and they don't even have half the stuff I'm looking for. I know the bands I like aren't exactly that "main stream" or whatever but still... how do you not have The Rocket Summer? Isn't that uber college music? I mean if I went in there and looked for Dave Matthews or O.A.R i'd see rows and rows of thousands of the same CDs but DAMN. All the Bright Eyes stuff is gone. Postal Service as well as Death Cab is pretty much gone or I already have it. Too bad what I'm looking for isn't even that obscure. I'm sure Best Buy would even have it. I'm just annoyed becuase then I'll have to buy this shit online and that sucks a fuck because our mail is SLOW. I won't be getting the CD I previously ordered for another 2 weeks (and that's just because it's backordered right now) but when they do get it, I'll have to wait an extra week because the mail people are horrible. Errr... Thanks life.

Song of the day: "I'll be here awhile" - 311

I got an e-mail from Colin last night and it made me happy. This is what it said:

Yo Finches!
I'm catchin you on the filpflop to tell you my purevolume.com shit is up! YEAYUH! yeah, dude, wouldn't it be cool if when i visit tech that u set up a show for me and i could put in on the site. you could perform with me. Galapagos Finches would get her start as young and bright emo-minded rapper from No. VA! anyways just a thought cuz it would be so damn funny. hope college life is treating you well. still missin you homie. KEEP IT REAL! peace.

http://www.purevolume.com/genmackaddysscottishninjajigband

GO THERE!

- Colin

Colin is the best. He calls me "Finches" because it's short for Galapagos Finches... confused? - Let me explain. So we were joking around the other day and I told him that if I were to ever become a rapper (highly unlikely, but hey it could happen) my name would be Galapagos Finches and I'd rap about evolution as in the evolution of the finches on the Galapagos Islands... see it all makes sense now doesn't it and it also makes me look like a frikin nerd. Anyway so that's what's up. Colin, which I'm sure you have read about is going to fucking LA Film School in November and living on Sunset Blvd. I'm SO jealous. I wish I was all talented or whatever and could go to a school like that. Seeing as I have a non-existant portfolio, that would never happen. But he is visiting in October with Jason so hopefully we can make some type of documentary or something.

I don't know about you, but it's definately time for a frikin break. I'm so tired of people and their non-sense. Don't get me wrong I love College and it's great, but sometimes you just need to clear your mind and have nights to yourself where it's just you and all of your memories... Ha ha... Donnie Darko "If the sky were to open up, it would only be you and your memories" <~ Good movie, watch it.

I talked to Keirn last night and she had to evacuate. Actually Tulane declared a state of emergency and everyone had to pack their things and leave. Classes resume next Monday. So she flew to Houston. I told her to fly to Tech or back to Dulles Airport so she can drive down to Tech but no she's in Texas now. Errrr. I miss her - I won't see her until Winter Break because she won't be back for Thanksgiving! :( She told me to just go over to her house anyway because her mom would want to see me. I miss her family - they were my second.

It's only Tuesday. And now it's becoming more apparant to me now that I LIVE for the weekends. Which is kind of sad. But in all seriousness, I have nothing else to look forward to other than Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday mornings where I don't have to wake up. How college of me? Ha ha...

"It's been hours now, to be here like this
Just to lay you down, just to taste your lips
Just to keep me up, I'm so tired of sleeping
Just to lay inside you, and to know this feeling."

I want to marry Andrew McMaHon.

I don't know about you but I think that's a pretty sexual song. And the fact that Andrew McMaHon sings it coupled with the fact that he wrote it makes me want to do him... ON HIS PIANO.

I saw his piano the other day and based on that fact I LOVE him. I love the way he plays his piano. I like how he has written in black marker on the sides of his piano. I like how he stands on the keys at the end of some of his songs and just starts jumping up and down. I like how his hair is all over the place. I like how he screams into the microphone. I love his voice. I like his clothes and his flip flops and I love his songs. I think I want to marry him. Ha ha if only. I would so marry him in a second. So we can start making some babies on his piano.

The end.

PS: Of course I like most of you guys are whoring out the words marry and love... it's a sad sad thing.
PPS: I'm really not this hormonally charged. We recently just had the "I love Andrew McMaHon epiphany" in Lee 415.

It's time for another one of those blogs where I start listing things like I'm John frikin Cusack in High Fidelity.

I want...

- To make it through this year
- To know what I want to do as far as school situations go - do I transfer? do I stay?
- To love and to be loved (Conor Oberst style - 'cause i've made peace with the fallen leaves, i see their same fate in my own body... i won't be frightened when i'm awoken from this dream' sing along... common)
- To travel, I want to leave North America and go to Europe... everywhere in Europe, Italy, France, Germany, Spain. Then I want to go to Argentina, Portugal, Brazil, the Carribean, Australia, Fiji, Tahiti... I want to seel the world
- To spend a semester in London.
- To go to the Tate Moderne in London
- To meet Howie Day and of course Jason Mraz
- To start making some Vidblogs
- To not be sad all the time
- To accomplish half the things on this list
- To amount to something
- To meet more people
- To go to a GERMAN Club party... not like the language club... but the exclusive one we have on campus that's kinda like what you saw in the movie "The Skulls" or the equivalant to UVA's Z society or IMP... http://www.vtgc.net/
- To meet someone in the GERMAN Club
- To get Byan Randall (the QB of my VT's football team) to sign my frikin T-shirt.
- To get more sleep (I need it)
- To talk more about how I'm feeling... and to stop holding all my emotions in.

I'm working on it.

You left your thumbprint inside me now for months it seems but mine only brushes your soft surface
and somehow it leaves me listless, my tongue curls under my lips oh yes
so I can't speak to tell you of the months before I met you

and the way the truth it locked us right about the time after the lightning shocked us
when we were young and missing round that small new england byway our lives they were sheltered then and I now I remember... now I can remember oh so well.

I love that Jason Mraz song. It's my favorite part. It's called 0% interest. You should download it if you can. It's wonderfully written.

I don't particularly like Sundays because I always have so much work to do today. I talked to Jane a lot today about some issues and I love being able to talk to her about things because she can relate so well. I don't know, I've kind of been pacing around today going around in circles regarding a certain topic and I can't concentrate on anything and I wish I could just resolve this thing right now and be done with it so I can do what I need to do but it still lingers and is in the back of my mind... I know I'm being vague. I hate being vague. I hate when people are vague because you never know what to expect and everything is open to interpretation which can make things so difficult because guys and girls interprate things in different ways. I wish things were black and white... I can't say I am a fan of ambiguity but you can't expect things to be black and white ever. So I kind of wish somebody would just tell me what to do.

So anyway... I really am sad. I don't know why. Something has been bothering me. I can't put my finger on it. Sometimes I'll find myself on the verge of tears, I don't know why. I don't think I'm depressed or anything like that. I just don't like living in a state of internal conflict and I mean it's hard to explain. I am not a big fan of talking about things either. I know I should, I'm just not, I like to keep things to myself and maybe that's bad. I was talking to Matt last night on our way back from The Cage and he was like yeah you never really talk about how you're feeling and he's like I know I always do, I'm such a girl, I tell everyone everything but you don't. And I know I don't. I don't know why I don't, things would be a hundred times easier if I just went ahead and got everything off my chest. But somehow I feel that if I do tell people, that I'm burdening them with my burdens and I mean as if people don't have too much on their plate already - it's like here HELP ME when you can't even help yourself.

I don't know I wish things were different.

I feel HORRIBLE. Like a complete incompetant asshole.

Today was September 11. The 3 year anniversary if I remember correctly (see I am a total asshole, I can't even remember how many years ago it was) I feel really disrespectful of all who have given up their lives and for those who continue to do so by fighting overseas. Today was our first home game and I ended up going to that. Apparently we did some sort of tribute the Corps of Cadets did a formation and we talked about it and had the moment of silence or whatever. First of all, I missed all of that which kind of sucked because at least I would have been able to say that I did take part in some sort of memorial vigil today, but I didn't and I feel so bad. I feel bad that I was cheering for my football team - what a way to remember those who had died... I am such a jerk. And it just feels like we have all just forgotten too easily. I will remember that day for as long as I will live. I will remember where I was when I found out, who I found out from, how they said it, what time it was, who was with me... and just really little details. In comparison to last year, this year just didn't cut it as far as honoring those who had died. And I know you guys may be thinking, oh well just move on... but you know, now that I think of it, and what happened, who died, how they died, and when all the memories come rushing back... the only way I can "move on" is not by rooting for a football team but to remember the history that I was a part of and embrace it and just remember it for what it's worth to me and it didn't feel like I was able to do that today. Maybe it was just because I was in a college setting and today was game day, maybe it would be different if I were at home... but, I feel as though last year there were more candle light vigils. It wasn't even on the news and no one really talked about it or remembered it. It's kind of tragic to see us losing sight of what we said we'd change about ourselves as a result of what happened only to see that we've gone back to being the same as we were before... and even though we say we'll live everyday of our lives like it is the last because of this new insight we have gained... can we honestly say that we have lived everyday like it was our last and told everyone that we needed to tell that we loved them? I'm not going to lie there are people I should say I love you to that I don't and... I know I contradict myself and I hate it. I am such a jerk. I do appreciate what I have, and the life that I was given and the fact that I can live to see another day. Just thinking about those whose lives were cut short just kills me. It's tragic - there is so much to live for and it was not their choice to die but I trust that the man upstairs knows what he's doing and I find solace in that. I just wish we could have done a little more in their memory today and I know eventually the September 11th thing will die down as we get older (kind of like the whole Pearl Harbor thing) but 3 years seems a little too soon for this to be fading out. Now I'm not trying to tell people to relive the past and that horrible day because that can be painful, I'm just feel as though we should show more respect.

So I guess that's all for tonight.

I fall in love with Jason Mraz one journal entry at a time.

From his August 24th Journal Entry ... this pretty much sums it up.

And when a move is made it’s nothing short of a magical moment. Fire is magic. A room painted a new color is magic. A vacation is magic. Avocados are magic. Music is magic. Friends are magic. The memory is magic. And so the adventurer realizes all is magic and he finds the will to continue his efforts and let whatever happens, continue to happen. This is how he stays so happy and motivated and free of fear to accomplish so much or so little depending on his desires. And with love, he’s in love with becoming what he’s becoming. He understands the subconscious will eventually perform a magic trick that will lead him to his life partner and an entirely new adventure will reveal itself. Until then he writes with wide hope and a loose wrist and paints with the fury of misfortune and sings from a collective sadness and sarcasm about what he thinks is true to date. He is aware of only what he is aware of and he is calm and comfortable with his settlement. This is just the way it’s supposed to be right now.

I found this really interesting... so I just thought I'd share.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,1299444,00.html

WOW. Paris is definately an intriguing place.

I e-mailed my mom the other day about how I feel like such a loser every time I go to check the mail and nothing's there. The mail here takes a lot longer that usual to come. My friend sent me something last week and I still haven't gotten it yet. I've been checking every day and the more I go, the dumber I feel because it's such an ego buster. Everyone else is getting mail. Geeze guys thanks a lot I feel loved... EVEN though I know there's letters of confessed love and what not coming... So anyway upon hearing this, my mom writes back and the first thing she says is... Mary you're a WINNER! Gee thanks for taking the whole "loser" thing real literally mom. It made me laugh - my mom is such a nerd. I love her. She's the coolest mom ever. Anyway she told me she was sending me my new liscense in th email once they send it to our house because we moved and the ID I have now basically lies so yeah huzzah for new liscense and yay for awesome mom...

I'm going to go CHECK my mail in Pritchard again for the 800th time and have people laugh at me. Then I AM GOING TO THE M'PHUCKIN RECORD STORE which I have been planning to do all week and just never got around to it.

PS: It stopped raining and la vita e bella. :)

On seeing an influx of emo kids on campus (who I absolutely love)

Yeah you know how vampires can only come out when it's dark out - emo kids can only come outside in the rain and that's why we keep seeing so many of them. I mean the rain symbolizes the tears of their broken hearts and tourtured souls... also the weather is shitty outside, if it were sunny and happy and nice, they'd have nothing to bitch and cry about

I went over to Vawter today because Emo Matt kept crying about not having his umbrella that HE left in my dorm when HE was in here having a nervous break down. We LOVE Emo Matt. I know it seems like he gets picked on a lot, but we don't mean it half the time. So anyway, Drew was there and Sarah was there too and we ate Gummy Bears and then left. I think Matt was suppose to be teaching me Unit 3 so I could go to the EMPO tomorrow, but that didn't happen because I was in the hall on the phone with Kenneth the whole time.

Speaking of which...

He told me that Teka had called and asked what was going on with us and was being kind of sketch about it. She told him that he and I were "ambiguous" and when he told me that I was just kind of like uhmmm what's that supposed to mean? So I told him, I'd get back to him when I found out. It's weird he was telling me how she was like something's going on and I'm going to find out what it is because I know these things. So I guess we'll see what she is going to "find out." Granted I think I already know.

Oh before going over to Drew and Matt's at Vawter, I went to Pilates... shit sucks. It's going to hurt tomorrow.

I also talked to Keirn tonight, I miss her a lot. Jase and I were supposed to go to California to visit Colin for Spring Break this year because Colin is going to Film School in LA... lucky. But Keirn said she wanted us to visit her in New Orleans because she's coming to Tech for her Spring Break. So now I'm really torn because I really want to go visit Colin in LA just because I want to see what he's been doing and I want to see all the flims that he is working on. He's actually visiting before he leaves sometime in October so hopefully we can do a Vidblog or maybe a joint-documentary or something. That would be good. Just like old times. Reed, I just realized we never set up a Video section on your website. Maybe you should open that section soon. Colin and I will have some stuff to contribute. Jase called and said he was going to be visiting in October too and I think when Colin comes he's going to go to the Wake Forest game with us so it'll be good times.

Note to self: Go to the Record Exchange store tomorrow. Or else. I've been meaning to get 2 CD's lately and our CD store on the corner here frankly sucks. Well kinda. It's got an okay selection, but most of the stuff I like isn't there so if the Record Exchange doesn't have it, it looks like I'll have to buy it online which SUCKS because the mail here takes SO long. A friend of mine sent me pictures on the 23rd of August and I received them on September 1st. Doesn't normal mail only take 2 days? Sometimes even 1? So anyway, I checked my mail today because my friend said she sent me a letter or what not awhile ago and I STILL haven't gotten it yet. She sent this a week ago and has been asking me every day. And every day I go to Pritchard to check my mail - I feel like an IDIOT because there is nothing there and the lady gives me this weird "i pity you" look. Really, I do have friends who send me letters. Really. Anyway, I asked her how long it takes for mail to come if it is sent from Northern Virginia. The answer I was expecting was 2-3 days... she told me 5. Yesss, thanks life. I think it's just because our school sucks at sorting mail. I don't blame them, there are 27,000 undergrads here - I'm sure it's a bitch to sort all that mail. However, I pre-ordered a CD online and if I don't get it on time, I'm going to be a little T.Oed because I'm supposed to get it BEFORE the release date, but knowing how things are going here, I probably won't get it until afterwards. Oh well, it happens. Rachel talked to me today and she told me her mom sent me something in the mail so that's exciting. I love her mom. It made my day. Seriously, today was shitty day number 2. That's 2 in a row! I had another pop quiz today in English but I raped it so that was good and then I went to the Math Emporium (which I dislike with an exotic passion) and I took my Unit Test and raped that too so academically it was a good day I guess. My parental units would be happy, but I don't care anymore. I don't even know why I'm majoring in what I'm majoring in. My parents picked it for me and I went along with it because I didn't know what I wanted to do and so far - it's really not bad at all. I hear so many horror stories about Pre-Med but right now everything is all gravy. I kinda wish I were talented like Colin so I could go to a cool school in LA and have a film career. Oh well, that's life. I hate that I "live for the weekends." I don't look forward to my week at all. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that Friday is almost here and then when Sunday rolls around it's just depressing. I wish I didn't care.

Oh well, so anyway, it's still raining here and it's suppose to be shitty until Thursday which just makes this whole week worse because the weather is bad and I hate playing this carry your umbrella everywhere you go game and being cold all the time. I hate how the bottom of my pants get wet, and looking outside and not seeing the sun. THANKS HURRICANE FRANCES!

I think I've complained enough for one day... BUT, I'm still pondering this whole "ambiguous" thing. Maybe I'll figure it out. I'll let you know what's going on.

"If he opens his mouth and does not have an accent - GIRLS WILL BE DISAPPOINTED" ~ Kathryn on seeing a guy that was wearing a shirt that said 'British' on it.

So I got a Team Unity Bracelet and I feel so school spirited it kind of hurts. Because my school is big into football and because we're frikin ACC this year (heck yeah) there's this cool thing they're doing that is suppose to promote better sportsmanship. I'm sure most, if not all of you have seen the Live Strong wristbands that raise money for cancer. If you've walked around campus, you'll see that EVERYONE has one and because they're so popular here, our school decided to make cheaper versions of these live strong bands and instead we have orange rubber bands (not that heavy duty stuff that the Live Strong ones are made out of) and they say Team United on them and they've been selling these all over campus and giving them to the other teams that we play which I think is a cool idea. And a damn smart fundraiser too.

I went to UVA on Friday (if you couldn't tell from the previous pictures). I went with Sarah and Matty. Sarah and I stayed with Nina and had a blast. We met up with Kenneth and saw the hypnotist and then went to see Jack's House play and then we kind of all split up. I basically hung out with Kenneth the rest of the night until Nina and Sarah came back from Phi Psi (an exclusive frat that's pretty hard to get in). Matty drove us back to Tech but Christi came along and Saturday night we all went to the crew house. I went to a Crew party at UVA once and it was awesome and it was pretty awesome here at Tech as well so I'm convinced that the Crew teams are awesome no matter where you go. I also met a random guy outside my dorm named Richard... apparently he goes by "Dick" - but anyway Dick said we have a Phi Psi here too and that it's uber exclusive. Exclusive as in... you have to be on "the list" to enter. So maybe it's just one of those things they do. Who knows. This weekend was one of the best weekends I've had since the summer - I think most of that was because I spent time at UVA...

This morning however, was the complete opposite of my weekend. It just downright sucked. It was cold this morning - like 50 degrees cold and it was raining and I had an 8am class. After that, I came back and studied for the Bio test I would have later and then went to Psyc where I forgot my analysis of the experiment that I had to read about, but luckily my teacher is amazing and let me e-mail it to her because I was freaking out about it. You guys know me. I'm OCD about stuff like this. Anyway, afterwards I took the Bio test which was okay - I could have studied a little more, got out... AND it was STILL raining and it was just cold for the rest of the day. I was in a pretty bad mood just because everything was just bad this morning and I was really tired too. Kenneth Imed me and asked if I was okay which was really nice of him and we talked about it and he made me feel better. Then, I went to dinner with Jane (one of my hallmates) and it was awesome because we talked for hours about almost everything and it was just really good to have someone to talk/relate to. Then the rest of the night I did homework. Matty fixed my computer earlier today which was good. Really good. And as of now, it's still REALLY cold... and it still kind of sucks. Tomorrow, I don't have class until 11 so I'm looking forward to sleeping in... hopefully it will be a better day. Hopefully.

Song of the day via Kenneth

Calling You ~ Blue Moon

There's something that I can't quite explain.
I'm so in love with you, you'll never take that away.
And if I've said a hundred times before, expect a thousand more.
(You'll never take that away)

Well, expect me to be calling you to see if you're ok when I'm not around.
Asking if you love me,
I love the way you make it sound.
Calling you to see:Do I try too hard to make you smile? To make us smile?

Well I will keep calling you to see:
If you're sleeping, are you're dreaming?
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe...you actually picked...me

I thought that the world had lost its way
(It's so hard sometimes)
Then I fell in love with you
(then came you)
and you took that way
(Its not so difficult. The world is not so difficult)

You take away the old, show me the new,
and I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you.S
o while I'm on this phone, a hundred miles from home
I take the words you gave, and send them back to you.

Kenneth tries to Juggle.... key word: tries 

Eva frikin Waller and her um "ID" 

Nina! who we stayed with on our UVA College Campus Invasion Tour! NINA IS AMAZING 

I want this shirt... via frenchconnection.com - If you're 18 or older or if this is your first election (as it is mine) please exercise one of your MOST important rights... it doesn't matter who you vote for whether you're a republican or democrat, just VOTE. Be a part of 20 million strong - OUR generation has a chance to change/shape the future and if we don't take advantage of it who will? Vote for what you believe in - vote for something... anything.  

I miss the city, the politics, and everything inbetween.

It's only been 2 weeks or so and I already miss D.C. - who would have thought? It's not like I went there on a daily basis or even a weekly basis... It's always been there and I (unlike many) was never too impressed with it, because I basically grew up, in, or around it and it was never too exciting - sure lots of good things happen there and there's lots to do, but once you've lived there you're whole life it's not too exciting. I want to go to Georgetown, I want to run down Constitution Avenue, act like a total tourist on Pennsylvania Avenue, go to the Black Cat on 14th street or even the 9:30 club. I just want to be there right now. And the irony of it is, it has been YEARS since I have gone to a museum because I've been there and done it all thousands of times it just seems boring to me. I guess you just don't know what you've got till it's gone - and it's so true. D.C. - I MISS YOU. I even miss the sleazy politicians, and the tragic lives of their interns... knowing that if they'd ever amount to something, they'd still be corrupt bastards. Sure it's sad to see them throwing their money around in Georgetown, knowing perfectly well that they are the most unhappy people in the States. I miss it, it's interesting to watch, just the socilization and the atmosophere, and how "everybody is somebody" - seeing the DC socialites, eating with them, going out with them, pitying them... I LOVE the politics of this city - explain that one to me? Before I left for college my friends and I started going out to D.C. a lot, more specifically Georgetown and I'd love to be able to do that again, soon, but Blacksburg and Christianburgs are certainly NO resonable substitutes for Georgetown and I never expected these towns to be - frankly, it's just really boring. There's nothing to do, sure there are parties, but even those get cliche after awhile. This all makes me wonder if I should have gone to George Washington University... but I'll have to say taht I do like it here a lot or more than I did before.

The Irony.

So I'm going to UVA this weekend! I am stoked.

The end.

The day we finally escape is all I'm thinking about right now
I just want to sit here and remember that little beach town
How the screendoor reflected the water
And your eyes in the picture we took
It left me with scars that are there for good
It burned holes in me that were permanent

I miss my the girls and going to and from Reston Town Center 

I miss my house and running around in it...  

SCORAGE!!!!!!!

I LOVE MY MOM! She called me today to inform me that she got me the best internship imaginable (well best internship imaginable for me anyway)... My parents are somehow related to a really well known Doctor in California who currently holds 5 different medical degrees some of which include degrees in postmortem examinations (he identified bodies or what was left of the bodies of the victims of 9/11 in New York), dermotology, plastic surgery and 2 other ones but I forgot what they were. I am beyond beyond beyond amazed and excited. I will start working with this guy in the Summer of 2005 and as if you couldn't tell I just ahhhh... I don't know, I'm still in awe. This is an opportunity I just cannot pass up and I owe it all to my mom. This is absolutely amazing. I'm going to stop my rambling because I could fill this whole page up with positive adjectives and still not be able to express how I feel, so I'll spare you from reading a copy of the thesaurus and just let it be known that I am one happy camper.

;)

Mood: excited (obviously)
Song: 0% interest - Jason Mraz

Gah... so let down and disappointed all at the same time. Add sad to that list too. :( Just when you thought he could do no wrong and that he's such a good friend/person/everything. I am SO disappointed in you. Really, I don't even know what to think - this is really shocking and just really unlike you. And I really had a lot more faith in you. I'm not mad at you, because what you do is ultimately your decision not mine, but I"m just going to say that I expected more from you after everything that happened and what you told me so I'll leave it at that.

:(
I don't understand you a lot of times, but this really takes the cake. I thought you were better than that, but because I'm you're friend, I'll be here for you regardless and you know that.

Sometimes you just get the urge to grab your butt ESPECIALLY if you are Emo Matt 

I was looking at Reed's profile today and it said something about hey "ask me what I really think of you and I'll tell you because at this point I don't mind telling you" so I went for it and took him up on his offer and left a message for him because he was away and I was like go for it, tell me what you think of me and this is what he said...

I2eedeI2: a) there is a general consensus among the guys that you were friends with that you were undoubtedly the coolest friend we hung out with, but not only that, but also you're accepted as, by far, the hottest asian in our entire school, and your appreciation of good music is overwhelmingly amazing

Talk about the ego boost of the day. Reed, thanks for re-assuring me that the male population does not hate me.

PS: I miss my guy friends... a lot. Can't wait to see you all again! :)

Every couple needs their own rain scene...

Just like in the movies. One of my teachers from High School told me about how she and her friends had always joked about how before they got married they had to have a rain scene with their boyfriends/fiances.... you know the kind of rain scene where the couple kisses in the rain after a fight... okay, maybe not a fight but maybe after a great night or something, where nothing could go wrong and then it rains but because they kiss or whatever it symbolizes that they can make it through any kind of weather etc. etc. cliche cliche cliche... I WANT A DAMN RAIN SCENE. But I guess I would have to have a boyfriend first yeah? That might help.

Anyway, so aside from the fact that I want a rain scene I should continue my teacher's story about how her boyfriend popped the question. Since they hadn't had their rain scene yet... he got his friends to set up hoses by the deck and somehow attach shower heads to them and he had them coming from all angles and he asked her to come outside and said "hold this umbrella" and that was the cue for his friends inside the house to turn the shower heads on and dump rose petals out the window and then he popped the question... that's so... dare I say it, romantic. I think I would cry. Oh she said yes, by the way.

Sigh... one day Mary, one day.

Cliche, Cliche... everything is so fucking cliche. I guess it just doesn't get any better.

Blogged out.

Today in English class my professor told me the "secret to life..."

What is the Secret to life you ask? - The answer is simply transformation. I know this hold truths... duh of course we have to transform, I'm surprised I didn't think of it earlier. It's one of those things so simple that you tend to overlook. Whenever somebody used to ask me what the secret to life was I'd always respond by saying "well, I suppose it's to just live your life - really live it, and embrace all the trials and tribulations and to look forward to the laughter. I would tell them something cliche like how life is a roller coaster ride with its ups and downs and in the end when you look back you'll love it and realize the ups and downs are what made the ride so amazing to begin with and then I'd conclude this thought with, I guess you just have to embrace and take everything that comes your way and love it." I'd like to think that this is still my philosphy, but transformation... oh that transformation.

I'd like to think i've "transformed" and "grown into my own skin" or "found myself" during the past couple years, but then again I wonder if I really have. Nothing much has changed... Sure I've changed physically so technically that's "transformation" and mentally I may have matured but perhaps it wasn't a conscious willing transformation but just the next step to growing up.... oh fuck it, it's transformation, my professor was right... what am I talking about?

PS: I got the Zack Hexum CD today... I love it/him.
PPS: I'm using the term "love" really loosely - I hate "love" (the word love - that is) because I think it's way to whored out. People love their cat, people love their toe nail polish, people love hot guys, people love wet wipes.... if someone told me they loved me, I don't think I'd be able to take them seriously. If you can say you love your toe nail polish or your guitar... and then tell me you love me too... I don't think that would do it for me. - Why am I so difficult? No wonder why I'm destined to be alone for a long time. I think we need a new word for "love" or we should just stop whoring it like we do so it can go back to meaning what it used to... Think about it, if I told you I loved my colored post-it notes and then I told you I loved you, how would you respond to that? Love doesn't mean anything anymore... it's tragic.

Here I go... I'll dive right in

and while these memories start to fade and photographs are thrown away, i'll save a little piece on my side. breath out of you insecurities and hang them out with mine. i hope you save a piece on your side.

Classes have started... there's already a lot of work to do, but it's rather managable so I think I'll be okay until further breakdowns are blogged. As if anyone reads about the breakdowns anyway. I like most of my classes, my English teacher sort of rubbed me the wrong way but I refuse to drop his class - no way. I will NOT drop his class because I am TERRIFIED of him. He's not going to win. I'm going to stick it out... This by the way is one of those "foreshadow" blogs in which you inevitably know that I will bitch and moan about this later...

And although my hands are shaky, I lie perfectly still...

Anyone want to tell me how you tell someone you really like them? Because I'm all out of ideas. On second thought, I'm not even going to do it. Why ruin a perfectly good thing right? I hate that I'm such a wimp... at this rate, I'm destined to be lonely forever.

Check Yes or No...

Wouldn't it be nice to do that? Tell someone just to check yes or no the way you would in 5th grade... 3rd grade for some people... geeze some of us move slower than others - cut some slack yo. We really didn't know how good we had it back in the day until we look back now... or like I'm doing so tonight debating what I should or should not do. I wish it were as easy as to write a little note and stick it in someone's desk, make them check yes or no knowing full well that there are no strings attached and if that person happened to check no then you'd just erase the check mark and give it to somebody else... Nope, can't do that anymore. Man I miss elementary school sometimes. Now, if you want to do that - there's all these stupid feelings involved and emotions and... when did it all get so complicated?

Feelings, Nothing more than Feelings - Trying to forget my feelings of loveeeeeee...

That's right... I'm taking it back to the old school.

PS: I really enjoyed blogging today. I like how I did it. I'm not gonna lie. Also, if you have any suggestions as to what I should do... leave one. Or just leave a comment anyway.

I'm starting to miss everyone... I'm not home sick, because I actually love it here, it's just... I don't know. I miss seeing familiar faces and the connection that I had with all my friends when I was there. I talked to a few of my friends and basically everyone feels the same way. I mean don't get me wrong college is awesome, my friends here are great too, but it's just different. I don't feel I've known anyone that well yet and I haven't exactly been putting myself out there. I don't know why either. I could have gone to parties all of last week, but I chose to go to one at the end of the week and I didn't even stay there that long. I didn't meet anyone at that party - I guess it was because I really wasn't trying to. I'm rather reserved when I meet people for the first time - maybe I have trust issues? I'm not one to put myself out there. Sure I'll introduce myself to people who come up to me but I'm not one to go around to others... It's weird, I know. It's ironic because I'm actually an outgoing person, I just act this way when I'm around people I don't know.... maybe my psychology class or sociology class will explain why. I also have cuts on my feet from my flip flops because a) they're not worn in yet and b) I have to walk 5-10 miles a day which = hurt feet. Sorry, back to what I orginally wrote this post about (which you probably don't care about either - I have a right to rant, I shall)... I guess I'm reserved because my friends and I are just so close, we know each other really well... they're like my second family and I guess it's hard for me with my friends here because I don't think we can ever be that close to one other...

Actually I'm lying... I guess I'm more reserved here beacause I KNOW there's a big chance that the friends I have here and the people I'll meet this year are going to be amazing people. I know that I can have that feeling I get with my friends from home with them here. I know that they can feel like my second family - because in some ways... they already do. I just feel so damn guilty sometimes because it almost feels like I'm replacing my friends from home and I know it sounds stupid but I just don't know anymore. I know I shouldn't limit myself because I feel guilty... I'm afraid. I afraid of losing what I had back home to what I have here - which don't get me wrong... is good. I just don't want to let go... my goodbyes wern't forever. What to do?

Also... everyone here is really big on meeting guys... who can blame them right? The guy-girl ratio is 60-40... what's not to love about that. But I don't know, partying is great, I just ... I guess i'm not ready? I was never a big dater... I hated it and when I dated someone it was hard to let go when we decided we had to. You guys remember that. I dunno I think I'm too focused on finding "Mr.Right" when right now is a time where I should just be testing the waters to see who's out there.... maybe I'm holding out, I'm not quite sure... I guess I don't want to deal with the reality that being hurt is something that will happen. Damn.... I know I gave this speech to Erkan the other day... if only I could take my own advice... I told him that our age... we're suppose to experiment, break hearts and get ours broken, date people we'd never thought we'd date, love people we never thought we'd love because that's just the way it is and when this process is over... the person we end up would just seem so right. He told me I was right and he told me this really helped him with whatever he was going through... why can't I just take my own advice? It would just be easier that way....

I got a phone call from Colin last night and he told me he was going to LA at the end of October for Film School. I think that's so amazing - I'm so happy for him. He orginally was going to New York film academy but I told him he should just go to California and he actually took my advice so now he's going. That's aweosme! I am friends with an up and coming director. That's awesome! :) Anyway it was so good to hear from him because I didn't get to say good-bye. It's okay though because he's coming down to Tech a few days before he leaves and then he's going to go to the Wake Forest game with Drew and I so it should be good times. I decided I'd go visit Colin and stay with him in LA for Spring Break 2005. I'm so excited it's ridiculous. Awesome. Melanie goes to school in California too so it'll be good to see her again too.

This is so surreal... within a few years, we'll all be working and possibly married? WTF.

So I'm back in school and it's great! Feels good to be back... mostly because there is no work that has to be done right now. I've been hanging out with Matt, Drew 1, Drew 2, and a few other people a lot. It's good though... it feels right. That's something that hasn't happened in awhile. Nothing ever felt right, nothing ever felt good, but this does. Well... kinda.

a) I'm not a big fan of cliche guys... no you're COLLEGE t-shirt will not get you chicks... imagine if some kid walked around with a shirt that said HIGH SCHOOL on it.... yeah represent!!!! no.


Now I shall vent.... get ready
b) Girls that pee all over toilet seats really annoy me... It's not like you have to point and shoot like guys do. It's not that hard, toilets are pratically fool proof, you just go and that's that. And okay for some odd reason, if you do happen to pee on the seat, for goodness sake, clean it up you asshole. No one wants to clean up your bodily fluids - not even your mom, so just do us all a favor and learn how to COLOR IN THE LINES.

I almost forgot how much I love it here. The campus is gorgeous, the walking 5-10 miles a day really sucks a fuck [DONNIE DARKO!] but it's worth it. I love being here, I love most of the people... (minus those college t-shirt wearing guys, although some of them are really nice) and I just like how everything feels "right" because it hasn't in awhile.

Anyway, tomorrow is one of the largest party nights on campus and Mike and his roomate are coming from Radford so we'll see how that goes.

Michael Phelps... you are HOT. Please father my children.  

Hot Damn. For the record... his body is amazing. [Sorry, I am being shallow] Two words: Pelvic creases...  

I was over at Keirn's earlier this afternoon helping her pack for college and we came across a bunch of pictures that she had in her desk drawer so we went through them and picked out a bunch to take to college with us. Anyway... we found our UVA pictures. :) She hid them right after we got back from our trip and this trip happened around late January... so these past few months we've been trying to find these pictures because she hid them so well she couldn't find them either... so I guess that means her parental units never did... so anyway tonight was a big night because they were recovered! YESSS! UVA = the ultimate trip (for reasons not as sketchy as you may be thinking). Anyhow... I found a picture that I had taken with this guy that was with us at the Crew party that night and it was one of those pictures where you both put your heads together and smile and one person holds the camera hoping that the picture will include more than a close up of your nostrils... well, the person holding the camera in this situation was me... i'm 5'4 and he was over 6 feet tall so the picture was basically his neck down and then my face. Next time... the taller person will hold the camera... actually next time, how about we don't take drunken pictures. Our pictures were just so goofy - my eyes were all funky because they were drunk and watery. YES. But looking back, you just have to laugh at yourself. Keirn's the best, I'm going to miss being around her - she's so out there sometimes, but I guess that's what made this trip so fun and looking back on all the pictures and just laughing was exactly what I needed tonight... Speedy & Thoma fo' ever.

I act like everything is okay. Au contraire... it's not. Wednesday cannot come soon enough.

Song of the moment: "Drunk Kid Catholic" ~ Bright Eyes

The drunk kids, the catholics
They're all about the same
They're waiting for something
Hoping to be saved...

Another trip to DC, but this time for the A.C. Newman Concert.

Last night... despite warnings from my mother about this "tropical storm" in Florida whose winds were suppose to travel North into the District and be "quite harmful" I decided to live on the edge of danger because well... duh, that's how ruff ryders rolllllll... and go anyway.

And guess what? No winds. Maybe a little rain but eh, who cares? So anyway, Christy and I drove into DC sans directions and DIDN'T get lost (YESSS!) and met up with two of her friends from UVA (Julie and Nathan) in Georgetown for dinner before the concert. Christy gracefully tried to parallel park upon arrival because the spot was irresistable, but even with my help... our teamwork failed and we wern't able to park... so Nathan ended up doing it. So anyway we walked around Georgetown for awhile which is always nice because Georgetown's Nightlife is always fun. Parking in Georgetown... or in DC is not so fun. Anyway so we ate and then drove to the Black Cat and the last time Christy and I were there was for Pedro the Lion and John Vanderslice and it took us an hour to find parking and 15 minutes to actually park. But no, not this time. It took us about 15 minutes to do both and Christy and I successfully parallel parked... that's team work biotch. And needless to say the concert was awesome! A.C. Newman is a funny guy.... the guy on stage without any pants on was pretty funny too. And I secretly lust for the guy who played the recorder in the band or the one who played the tambourine. HOTTNESS. That's what SHE said.... ha ha. So all in all, good times. I won't bore you with the details.

The concert ended around 1:45 ish and DC is not so safe at 1:45 in the morning and we parked a couple blocks away from the Black Cat and I must say.... the walk to the car was the sketchiest walk EVER. It was funny because Christy and I kept walking faster and faster to the point where we were almost running to the car because the people just weirded us out so much. Not to sound mean or anything... but some of the guys will make you wonder.

We got home safely though and we didn't get lost coming out of DC... yess Constitution Avenue... you are our savior. Anyway since I live in a secluded neighborhood that's unmapquestable... I picked up my car from Jason's house and I didn't get home until 2:30 yesssss! But all is good... and it was definately worth it... now if only I could get these X's off of my hands and the Black Cat Stamp............

I went to IHOP this morning with Keirn, Drew, and Jase.... and I must say, Kaiser's new eyebrow ring receives the Mary Stamp of Approval. It's HOTT with 2 t's... so that's saying a lot. Congratufuckalations! So IHOP was fun, just like old times. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life... I'm going to miss these kids. It was good to see them all again. We're leaving in a few days so this was kind of like the informal goodbye and I liked it because that's the way it should be. I hate stressing over this kind of stuff, but today felt good.

So... I side swiped mom's car.

My dad was in the driveway... so he saw what happened. Nothing happened to the cars... nothing that I noticed. My car is fine and so is mom's car so I don't see what the problem is. My dad didn't get mad at me. Actually he did... but he has this way of keeping his cool and being mad inside and it kind of sucks... I'd rather him yell and be annoying than to no saying anything. Anyway this morning... was the "blame everything on Mary fest" which was fun. Anything that went wrong this morning was automatically my fault like say... the CD roms for his computer that he lost when we were moving. Too bad I don't give a shit about his CD roms and he's all "you always take my computer stuff bla bla bla" - hi last time I checked I have my own laptop thanks. Seriously... the blame game is getting real old, real fast. I leave for Virginia Tech in 4 days and if this how he wants to spend these last few days then I'm game... we just won't talk.

Conor Oberst... the force behind Bright Eyes and Desaparecidos. No words.

Speaking of...

amiindieenough: and, eyah..oberst is fucking hotttt
amiindieenough: and im not even gay
Surf N Waves 04: he really is
Surf N Waves 04: so do you have any big plans for the weekend?
amiindieenough: yeah...
amiindieenough: ok..that was a lie..no, of course, i don't...but am open to suggestions
Surf N Waves 04: make love to conor oberst
amiindieenough: i would if i could..oh. my .god..i would totally consider being his sex slave for the weekend...and, again, i'd have to reiterate to my friends that i am NOT gay, but was feeling..um....experimental
Surf N Waves 04: ha ha
Surf N Waves 04: for conor oberst what wouldn't you do
amiindieenough: there is NOTHING i wouldnt do....damn....i mean...nothing...he deserves every degrading thing he might request me to do to him sexually
amiindieenough: and i'm okay with that
Surf N Waves 04: ha ha that's the spirit
amiindieenough: maybe i should make some sort of overture...
Surf N Waves 04: hmmmm....
Surf N Waves 04: i vote no.
amiindieenough: send him nude photos of me..i mean..i'm not fat...ive got no STDs, do no drugs
Surf N Waves 04: wow you're like the perfect male
amiindieenough: far from perfect
Surf N Waves 04: all you have to do now is become a metro sexual and you're set

a) Jason is aweso+me = awesome!
b) Our love for Conor Oberst is pretty frikin deep.

EXCITATION MAXIMUS!

I'm leaving in 7 days... 7! S'ven!

Doups is such a nerd... but then again... look who's talking.

Doups of CAN: see, i read this thing on how plasma cutters work...
Surf N Waves 04: right
Doups of CAN: they get an electrode get an inert gas (whatever that means) and stimulate the electrons with an electrode, thus creating really high temperatures
Doups of CAN: once the electrons are excited enough...
Doups of CAN: the gas goes to the fourth stage of matter...plasma
Doups of CAN: now, i got to thinking...
Surf N Waves 04: you're a nerd... but go on.
Doups of CAN: if you can heat up something that quickly with an electrode, why can't u cool things down just as quickly
Doups of CAN: cause all you're doing when you heat stuff up is encourage motion on a molecular level, so why can't you use the same process to discourage motion?
Surf N Waves 04: okay i'm getting this now
Surf N Waves 04: it sounds pretty simple
Doups of CAN: i'm thinking, you can get an electrode to attracte positively charged particles of a substance, thereby fixating them in one spot and in essence, freezing them
Surf N Waves 04: yeah, that sounds just about right
Doups of CAN: the only thing that bothers me is that it's so simple that anyone anywhere could have considered and tried this before, i'm trying to figure out why if it's been done, and if not , why
Surf N Waves 04: right
Doups of CAN: cause the applications of this would be huge
Doups of CAN: and yes, i'm a nerd

Well at least he admits it... but this kid is a genius. I'm proud to be his friend and socialization mentor.

Drew on my summer job...

Lax393: lexus driving soccer mom
Lax393: not too bad of a gig

Gah... There's no chance I'll top this one next summer.

The Howie Day Experience

Tonight was perfect. Graham Colton + Howie Day + O.A.R = Triple Threat

Wow what can I say other than tonight was nothing short of amazing. This was unlike any concert I've ever been to - the atmosphere was different. I think it was because most of the people there were college students. It was like College Fest 2004. There were 8,000 people there and it was awesome because everyone could relate. There wern't any significant gaps in age. Usually when I go to a concert say HFS or Warped or maybe some of the local stuff, there are always a bunch of 12 year olds half dressed running around, but this was different in that respect where everyone was pretty much on the same level.

I also really like this venue. It's outdoorsy - you're either in the shed or you're on the lawn. I guess it's not so outdoorsy if you're in the shed, but there aren't any walls so I mean you sort of are kind of out there. The show was sold out, which I didn't think was going to happen because Graham Colton and Howie Day have more of a cult following but I guess because O.A.R is from Rockville, Maryland a lot of people came out to see them because this has pretty much been their first time back home. It was fun though, there was no pressure.... no defending yourself from mosh pits or crowd surfers so it was really laid back and I liked it a lot. We had assigned seats so even when people stood up we wern't up against each other like most people are at concerts so it was nice being able to breathe. Wolf Trap needs to have more concerts.

So Graham Colton played first and nobody was really into him - I guess it's because not a lot of people have heard of him, so I was secretly singing along. It kind of sucks for him though because the time slot that he had to play was really shitty - it was when everyone was arriving so not very many people got to see him, but regardless, I think he did a great job and this is the second time I've seen him live and it was better than the first. He's a really genuine guy and I'm going to be really shallow here and say that he wasn't too bad to look at either. :) YUM. I was sad that he didn't play any of his old songs, all the songs he played were off of his new CD "Drive" and yeah it was good but I really wanted to hear "Jessica," but that's just me... no one else seemed to be into it, but Graham for the record... my flame secretly burned for you. Ha ha I sound stupid now. But it's true - I loved it.

Howie Day was next and I mean from what I saw from his DVD that came with his Madrigals E.P. - I already knew he was phenomenal, but I never anticipated him outdoing himself live. It's like a religious experience. He sent chills up my spine. He even brought that little thing that does all the echos and recordings with him where he can play something on the guitar record it and then it plays back and then he can play over it... I got to see him use it (sorry, I don't know what it's called... I suck, I know) and it was more amazing live than it was on "The Madrigals E.P." I'm surprised more artists don't use this thing that Howie Day uses. You'd think it would catch on by now, but I mean I guess that's what makes Howie Day so unique - if everyone else started using it then I don't think I'd enjoy it as much. Underneath it all though, this guy is so talented and getting to see him live was certainly something I have been looking forward to for such a long time and now that I've finally gotten a chance to do so, I am so amazed. He seems so humble too - I wish I could have met him tonight, but I mean seeing him play was enough for me. I don't know what else to say about this guy, he is hands down my favorite artist ever. I own all 3 of his CDs all of which I can listen to on repeat for days without a single complaint. He's just phenomenal and his voice is chilling yet soothing at the same time. I love him and I don't love many things so that's saying a lot. Tonight, Howie Day single handedly made my summer. Oh on another note... nobody stood up for Howie Day which was really ridiculous considering how amazing he was... but then again Howie Day truly does have a cult following and his album "Australia" is proof of that. So I guess a lot of people were exposed to the best kept secret tonight and I hope they all picked up a few of his CDs - if not all of them because he is just amazing. One last note... his piano/guitar player is amazing. He had this awesome piano solo and it was to die for - this guy has got the goods and it made being there that much better.

O.A.R played next and of course they were crowd pleasers - everyone came to see them. I was disappointed because they played a lot of stuff from their new CD which is fine, it's just sometimes you just need to hear something more familiar that's not too overdone. Regardless, they played a really great set and also sang a few songs that wern't theirs so it made for some good times and a good change of pace. They also sang a few new songs that no one knew which is always awkward because everyone just kind of stares blankly at the stage, but the new songs were really good. It was nice to get to see what type of material would be on the new album coming out later in August. The singer also has an amazing voice - I'd do anything for those vocal cords. I was in awe to say the least. At one point during their set, they sang a song called "Fishing" or at least I think that's what it's called... and it was about a friend that had died 5 years ago. It was just so sad and it definately hit home seeing how we did lose a few people this year too. It felt really personal and I'm sure everyone there could relate to all the pain that they must have felt and just to the song in general. And of course their was an encore and we just pretty much danced and sang the night away. Oh and towards the end... or the fake end before the encore, O.A.R had a surprise guest with them... it was VACO! I heart Virginia Coalition and it was awesome that O.A.R let them have some stage time so that was an awesome surprise... the whole night was just... wow.

Oh so the people at this concert were fun. The people sitting on the lawn all brought beer so they were doing their thing and towards the end of O.A.R. a bunch of them came into the shed and this group of guys started dancing up and down the asile and it was so funny to watch, but hey - as long as they're enjoying themselves right? Then they came up to us and they began dancing so that was funny, but you just go with it... everyone was having an awesome time so hey, why not just kick back and do the same? Earlier Kathryn and I went to get some merch after Howie Day's set and as I was passing the lawn this guy grabbed my arm and I thought I knew him, but I really didn't so I was really confused and he's all "hey how you doin?" and errr... it was just a strange situation to be in. This is like the Pedro the Lion/John Vanderslice concert when those guys were like hey... wanna stand in front of me? Pick up lines are so corny - the way to a girl's heart is definately not through cheesy pick up lines so if you're really interested, try introducing yourself rather than using something really cliche such as... "holla," "are you tired, because you've been running through my mind all day" etc.... errr that kills me. But that aside, it didn't really ruin my night... I had too much fun. My vocal cords will be on a hiatus for the next few days, my throat is already starting to hurt, but hey it gives me an excuse to drink more tea so I'm down with that. :)

All in all it was THE BEST concert of the summer and I had a great time. It was a really good way to end my summer... I ended it with style... that's how we do. :)

The countdown to goodbye is never easy...

but I have finally realized that I really shouldn't dwell on it. This is just a part of life and who said life was always going to be a smooth ride? I have finally accepted the fact that I may not see some of these people again - I mean there's little use in lying to yourself... I'm okay with it though. I'm happy that I got a chance to be a part of their lives and I'm certainly happy that they were able to be a part of mine. All of them have taught me so much and if it wern't for these people, I wouldn't be who I am today... so with that, I guess I'm going to have to stop moping around and enjoy this last week with the people that matter the most.

Jason said...

TheRedFlame2: i got my eyebrow peirced..u need to come check it out

Clearly... what he really wants is the Mary stamp of approval. Clearly.

I was sorting through my room this morning trying to figure out what I need to bring with me to college and I found an email dated April 9, 2003 from my friend Rob Miera and I just wanted to post it because I have a way of losing things and I'd like to have this to look back on. I haven't talked to Miera in forever - it's been a little over a year... crazy crazy. But just for the record, I miss him and all his great advice.

April 9, 2003 9:15

Hey there!
I'm sorry to hear about that one that got away. You know there is really nothing you can do except rely on destiny to bring you back together again, or take a dive and define destiny for yourself. I'm also saddened by the fact that you are not feeling well - that can be quite a pain in the ass. I had a really bad sinus cold about a week and a half ago and I'm still feeling the effects. Hey, don't dwell on this either because you will make yourself feel even worse; it's like a crush... eventually you have to let it go. I once met this girl out at a thing kinda like yours when I was in Colorado. Anyway... we had fun together and got contact info and this girl had me in circles knowning full well that I was not going to be in a small Colorado town for a long time so maybe it's for the best. I know it sounds non romantic but the real world sucks sometimes. Don't feel bad about venting, I like to hear about poeple's stuff - it helps my life grow. Everything will be O.K. I know you'll bounce right back. By the way... the male species is doing just fine between me and this guy - we're balancing the power. Anyway, I should probably get going now, but don't stress over it - it happens, you know? Life will go on... and if you ever need anything, you know where to find me.

Miera.

Miera rocks. And I feel bad for losing touch with this kid, because he's such an amazing friend. Miera, you can be expecting an e-mail or something soon. :Þ But yeah, reading this reminds me how good it is to have someone to tell you that everything is going to be okay and really mean it or just to have someone to pick you up when you are down. Not that people don't already do that... I guess I just miss talking to Miera.

Sidenote: This e-mail makes me laugh. I am such a nerd, and for the record... Miera was right, life did go on [gasp!]. It's really funny how emo I can be sometimes when certain events occur. It's not as if it's the end of the world... but in a girl's universe it is earth shattering. I know i'm being vague... but this was not worth stressing about and even though I probably sounded like a nerd when I wrote him the e-mail to which he responded to, I'm glad I could count on him to be there and give me advice even though he probably knew this was the stupidest situation ever. Man I miss California and people like Miera. I'm so glad I'm going to San Francisco for Spring Break 2005.

PS: I love Virginians and Californians equally.

So I woke up this morning to another message from Drew that made me laugh...

Lax393: too early for dancing?
Auto response from Surf N Waves 04: Nobody's romancing cause it's too early for dancing, but here comes the music...
Lax393: its like almost 12:30
Lax393: prime clubbin time

Ha ha good times. Tech is going to be a blast! Only a few more days left.

Yesss... scrawny tall guys. Saves The Day... I lofe you.

You know that feeling you get one you randomly listen to a song that you haven't listened to in awhile and as you hear the song you remember why you loved it so much in the first place... well that's what happened tonight with Saves The Day...

Lyrics of the night: Firefly by Saves the Day.

I said I'd walk you home after our third round of pouring whiskey down the barrel of our guts and I grabbed hold of your hand. We're up and we're out and we're yelling through the streets and I'm out of my fucking mind and I know you're next to me but I must confess what's in my head. Keep pumping now, legs to beat the ground and our hearts to beat the band. The sky's on fire again. Run down this alleyway. Lightning bolts again and we become fireflies just flashing at the air. Rattle garbage cans. Prepare to be ravaged by our lust burning mad, the fire that we've become. And I know you're under me but I must confess what's in my head: To me you are the light from a light bulb that breaks sometimes and the tender warmth inside is released into my life and it smothers me in flames that lick and scorch my face. As the smoke reaches the sky, know I'll burn for you tonight.

That's the best part of the song.

I was watching the X-games earlier today. BMX guys doing what they do best. It was really interesting and I'm not really into it. I never was, but I was channel surfing and it caught my eye. Ryan Nyquist was the guy that everyone was focusing on because his first two runs were really not very good and some Cory guy (can't remember his last name... started with a B) is in the number one spot. So anyway... he only has 3 runs so his last run better be phenomenal for him to win. He's one of the veterans of BMX I suppose... like what Kelly Slater is to the Surfing world. And everyone was saying how this is the exact same thing that happened last year where Nyquist had 2 really crappy runs and his last one was awesome and that last run got him the gold medal so all the announcer guys are like yeah man if he can do well on his last run then he can take the gold and be the first ever BMX Bike Stunt Dirt Champion to receive back to back gold medals... this is all really cool and what not, but I'm kind of hoping this Cory guy wins. He's like the under dog here and yeah Nyquist is awesome, but everyone already knows that. I mean Cory has been the most consistant throughout, I don't think one last run should determine who gets the gold medal but then again that's me. I still stand firm though... Cory, I hope you win. It's kinda like when Irons beat Slator in the WCT... Kelly Slater is like what Lance Armstrong is to the Tour de France, you want him to win sure, but it's like give somebody else a chance. Actually, I take that back... Lance Armstrong can keep on winning Tour de Frances for as long as he wants. Lance go for 7 buddy, go for 7. Okay I'm going to stop talking about sports now, but I just wanted to say that my exposure to BMX for the day has been quite interesting.

You learn something new everyday.

I love lilies.

Mom bought lilies this morning. I LOVE lilies. I love lamp. I love carpet... ha ha [Anchorman for those of you who don't get it]. No but in all seriousness... I do. I think next to the hibiscus, this is one of my favorite flowers. They're so pretty. I sound corny. I'll stop, but just let it be known that this made my morning! Wooo.

I leave in a week and 3 days. That's so crazy.

Father's Day 2004 in Maryland.... yeah it was 73 degrees when I left today so it was kinda like that...

a) Look how awesome it was outside in that picture... and today was kind of like that, minus the amazing body of water and add some hardcore shopping.

Okay so this morning I went over to Reed's to get my white castle burgers. Reed had hundreds in his fridge. Too bad i'm lactose and they all had cheese in them, but that's okay - I grabbed a bunch and gave them to Yara and Kathryn. They said they were good so I took their word for it. Also, REED IS AWESOME because he gave me a white castle coffee mug. YESSSS! Made my day.

Today I did some back to school clothes shopping with Kathryn and Yara at Tysons and in Leesburg. We had some good fun there. I also saw my cousin which was random and weird and when we were in Leesburg, I saw Matt... former manager at American Eagle who is now working at Nautica. Strange strange. I hated working retail - that's one thing I will NEVER do again. With that aside, it's been an awesome day and I'm so tired. I'm "le tired." But it's been good so I'm happy... Horray.

:Þ

In my attempt to be a photographer [as seen below], I ran around the house all morning taking pictures... standing on top of chairs, sitting on the floor trying to get pictures from different angles... so about that, yeah - Failed attempt. But it was fun while it lasted.

Current music mood: Ben Folds "See that asshole with the peace sign on his liscense plate, giving me the finger and running me out of this lane..."

Life is ironic... no?

Coffee Table... via Italy.  

Lights, Camera, Transaction...  

Reverse.From the inside looking out. 

Entrance Hallway.  

Reeder in all his glory... or something?

The genius who decided to go to White Castle with Colin, Matt, and Nick. Wow they are my straight fab 5... my heroes!

Anyway Reed kept calling me last night... just to check in and update me even if I WAS asleep, I really appreciated it even if I was grumpy. :Þ Okay so anyway I get a call at 1:45am and Reed's all, DUDE we're here so what do you want, wait are you asleep?
Me: No
Reed: Liar!
Me: fine, but it's okay, what's up?
Reed: What do you want us to get you?
Me: Anything
Reed: alright bud, go back to sleep

The 4am call:
Reed: Um... yeah so, I took a turn somewhere and now we're lost in Atlantic City.
Me: what?
Reed: yeah, okay go back to sleep

Sidenote: I really was laughing underneath all the tiredness.

GG guys... G frikin G.

Please just don't play with me, my paper heart will bleed.
(PS: What ever happened to the All-American Rejects?)

FLYINkilrsquirl: i sit in the dark to let my emotions flawlessly bleed and blend in with the one thing i will always have in my heart, darkness

*It's okay LaFawnduh... it's okay.

That one little bag of my blood can save 3 lives. Sah-weet!

Horray! I finally learned how to add pictures to my blog. Yesss. Excitation. Anyway... you may have noticed a few changes to the blog lately. I decided I'd change the template since I will be starting fresh again in 2 weeks when I head back to school... my blog might as well compliment me... no? Let me know what you think.

That aside... today is August 6, 2004. The last time I gave blood, they told me that I could give blood again August 3, 2004 so I think I'm going to do that soon. I have to get some shots before I go back to school so while I'm at it, I might as well give blood too. Contrary to what people tell you, giving blood does not hurt. You may think the needle is rather large and I'm not going to lie, it really is, but you can't feel it. Also, that one bag of blood [see above] is not that large and just that much can save up to 3 lives. Worthy cause? I think so. I mean if it were me and something happened and I needed blood... I'd hope that somebody would donate some. So, the moral of the story is that giving blood is a really good thing and I mean your body regenerates it so it's all good, plus you get cookies. YUM. :) You can also be a life saver... maybe I can call you my hero or something.

PS: I still can't believe that Colin, Reed, Matt, and Nick are seriously going to White Castle. I love them. They have made my day.

This is why I can say Reed is one of the most high quality friends that I own. Ha ha I OWN YOU BIOTCH.

I2eedeI2: dude we're going to white castle tonight
Surf N Waves 04: dude i already saw it
Surf N Waves 04: boo ya.
I2eedeI2: you're the biggest loser
Surf N Waves 04: shut up
Surf N Waves 04: i was all up on that and napoleon dynamite
I2eedeI2: we saw it the day it OPENEd...we're going to the RESTAURANT
Surf N Waves 04: those were my 2 big movies
Surf N Waves 04: there's a restaurant?
Surf N Waves 04: shut up
Surf N Waves 04: where
I2eedeI2: it's a real place....
I2eedeI2: holy shit mary
Surf N Waves 04: like i know it exists duh
Surf N Waves 04: but where
I2eedeI2: new jersey
Surf N Waves 04: pssh ha ha
Surf N Waves 04: omg watch it not be there
I2eedeI2: by princeton
I2eedeI2: do you wnat to join us in the car?
I2eedeI2: we're packin' the daewoo
Surf N Waves 04: who's going
I2eedeI2: me colin matt and nicky
I2eedeI2: come with us
Surf N Waves 04: what time will we be back
Surf N Waves 04: how far away is princeton from harvard?
I2eedeI2: that's massacusetts...
I2eedeI2: and we'll be back at about 4am, maybe 5
Surf N Waves 04: yeah i don't know 5am? hmm not so much
Surf N Waves 04: you know i'd love to up the estrogen level
Surf N Waves 04: really i would
I2eedeI2: COME ON!
I2eedeI2: well come on! be rebellious!
Surf N Waves 04: Reed, omg I SO would if I didn't have to do something tomorrow... and Nick was rebellious... we saw where that got him
I2eedeI2: well FINE
Surf N Waves 04: yeah - :(
I2eedeI2: hahah
Surf N Waves 04: dude i really want to go ... seriously
Surf N Waves 04: will you guys take pictures?
I2eedeI2: lol of course
Surf N Waves 04: OMG can you bring me back some white castle
I2eedeI2: do you have a camera phone? i'll send them to you
Surf N Waves 04: call me at 5 am
I2eedeI2: okay
Surf N Waves 04: no sorry i live in the dark ages
I2eedeI2: haha
I2eedeI2: what do you want?
Surf N Waves 04: i don't know call me when you get there
I2eedeI2: okay
Surf N Waves 04: holy shit reed if you buy me white castle i will fucking cry
I2eedeI2: and love me long time?
Surf N Waves 04: i will wake up at 5am just to go over there and pick it up
Surf N Waves 04: omg i would so love you long time
I2eedeI2: YES
I2eedeI2: lol score
I2eedeI2: we'll drop it by your house
Surf N Waves 04: i live in brambleton
Surf N Waves 04: it's unmapquestable
Surf N Waves 04: oh yeah i moved
Surf N Waves 04: i don't know if i mentioned it
I2eedeI2: lol
I2eedeI2: hmmm
Surf N Waves 04: ok that's a no
I2eedeI2: okay
Surf N Waves 04: i can meet you somewhere and pick it up
I2eedeI2: lol okay
I2eedeI2: you'll eat a few with us
Surf N Waves 04: OMG YES holy shit
Surf N Waves 04: you better call me when you get there
I2eedeI2: lol keep your pants on
Surf N Waves 04: Please document this trip
I2eedeI2: i will
Surf N Waves 04: they're already off
Surf N Waves 04: make colin bring his camera
I2eedeI2: lol to film you frolicking?
Surf N Waves 04: or colin
Surf N Waves 04: either one
Surf N Waves 04: b/c you know he'd do it
I2eedeI2: lmao
I2eedeI2: okay we'll call you okay?
Surf N Waves 04: you better
I2eedeI2: peace dude
Surf N Waves 04: bye!
Surf N Waves 04: you are my hero

a) I love my friends
b) they're going to the white castle that was in the movie... wow that just clicked.

The countdown to goodbye has officially begun.

I don't know how I feel about this. Actually I'm in denial right now. I don't want to think about my feelings so I'm just going to be numb to this. I'm not sure how to act and I hate the fact that everyone is leaving, but this is just the way it goes. Another year and another round of good-byes that I have never been ready for.

Mais, c'est la vie.

Maintenant, je trouve que le temps passe vite.

Epiphany of the day: Wow i'm so single it's ridiculous.
Epiphany #2: Burger King serves better breakfast than Mc Donalds
Epiphany #3: School starts in 2 weeks, summer is gone.
Epiphany #4: I'm not ready to leave
Epiphany #5: Good-Byes are not my forte
Epiphany #6: Gas prices in Northern Virginia can kiss my butt
Epiphany #7: Cost of living is high here, but no complaints b/c the taxes aren't as bad as DC
Epiphany #8: Wow i'm so single it's STILL ridiculous.
Epiphany #9: I think Ryan Reynolds is awesome
Epiphany #10: John Vanderslice is 37. Who knew?
Epiphany #11: No one frikin cares about my epiphanies.

DONE.