So today was a better day... a lot better than yesterday.

I don't know why I was so all over the place yesterday - it's kind of hard to explain, but now things are better and here I am again, back to my usual self and not so all over the place. Wow that sounded repetitive but that's the good thing about having a blog... NOBODY CARES ABOUT GRAMMAR - Take that Buckley. Her class was fun... I really enjoyed only getting 4 hours of sleep per week and that's why I LOVVVE summer.

I found a CINCO DE MAYO party card that Kathryn gave me from awhile ago and it made me happy... These are the reasons why: 1(uno). It's RIDICULOUSLY colorful - not just like oh here's a rainbow on a card... oh no, this is definately straight up graphic designer was doing LSD while making the card. I think it's funny, and it's extremely tacky so bonus points for the card... Reason number 2(dos). It makes me think of that "CINCO CINCO CINCO DE MAYO CINCO CINCO CINCO DE MAYO song" and yes... it is annoying, but quite catchy. And the last reason... reason number 3(tres). It says www.partydc.com at the bottom and I think that's really funny and sad all rolled into one. It's like hey since you don't have a life, go to this website where you can make yourself look like you have one. GOTTA LOVE IT!!! Ha ha and for the record just so everyone knows a) Kathryn didn't make this card b) Neither of us whent to the Cinco De Mayo party at Don Pablo's in Fairfax at Fair Lakes Shopping Center from 3PM - 2AM. We are not partiers so shed a tear for our failed social lives as you all bask in the glory of www.partydc.com :)

So Spider Man 2 comes out today! I'm excited, but I'm not going because I know it's probably already sold out. And plus I'm really not trying to sit in the front row and make my neck hate me like I did at Spider Man 1. So I guess I'll wait a week or so to view this phenomenon that everybody has been waiting for. And by the way... TOBEY MAGUIRE IS NOT HOT. I think i'm gonna get beaten for saying that but I just had to put it out there. Also today, I realized that Ingrid is such a bad name. Welcome to my epiphany cafe... sometimes confused with "epitome cafe." Only sometimes though... yeah so that's pretty much it for now.

I think i'm gonna head out, hit the road with my windows down and yeah... okay so signing off...

Do you ever wonder when enough is enough?

So in a nutshell this is how I feel: "Sometimes it's hard for me, much harder than it seems, I've got to get out of this life before it all comes down on me. It's like they say you've got to live life day to day - you've got to stand up one more time. I wonder how long it's going to take this time... to walk this line as subliminal as the writing on the wall. We're trapped inside complacency you know entoub routine and seal it with a kiss this ignorance has got the best of you" ~ Lyrics from Over It's "Welcome to Virginia"

Anyway so back to the question... whow do you know when enough is enough? Where do you draw the line? I know it's summer and summer = awesome - it's not like we haven't been counting down the days until we were free to go do whatever our hearts desired. But even so, now that it's summer... I'm still really stressed out and sure it's different from the stress I feel when being in school, but it drives me crazy. I wonder if I'll ever sense releif. If it's not schoolwork, then it's definately friends. I'm ready to throw in the towel, I don't want to have to put up with this anymore. I hate having to put on a show. I'm generally a really happy upbeat person who loves life but lately I've been anything but. I don't care anymore and I just can't take this. A vacation somewhere by myself is really needed right about now. I just need a quiet week somewhere all by myself so I can just sort things out - no pressure, no strings attached. Just once is all I'm asking. I really don't want to be "THAT PERSON" - I just haven't been feeling like myself lately and it sucks. I haven't been eating much and that's fine whatever - there's so much more to worry about. I'm frustrated and I'm sad and I don't know who to talk to actually I do, but I don't want to burden anyone just because I know this is just a phase I'm going through and I really don't want anybody to be worried or stressed out... afterall, it IS summer and no one wants to deal with issues during summer so that's fine. I just need to leave and I'll come back just fine.

It's just that sometimes you can't be the person that everybody expects you to be. I remember earlier this year Erkan told me that he knew he could always count on me because I was the "only one who had it all together." Well... not so much anymore right? I really want to be that person, but right now I just can't and everything is falling apart so what do I do? If I'm the one that people can turn to... where's the person who "has it all together" that I can go to? This year has just been so emotionally draining and it seems like this summer is no different and there's still so much of it left. I don't want to spend my summer feeling the way I do now - so, what do I do? I don't know and that's okay... I'll just take it one day at a time but I just really need a break. I need a change of pace. I miss California, I miss Matty, I miss the beach, I miss being carefree and laid back. Only a few more weeks and I can cure my California-itis.

Okay I promise this is the last of the EMO blogs that I will write for awhile...

I love Tyler Hilton... not as much as I love going over to Keirn's though.

Okay so Sunday was our fiesta day and it was good times. Nina and Austin came from Alexandria so that in itself made my day! (Thanks for coming guys) So we spent hours before the party started decorating and people just stayed outside the whole time so yeah so much for decorating but that's okay... Keirn and I decided we were going to have another party sometime this week so that our hard work does not go unnoticed. So anyway, I had a good time just catching up with everyone, hearing beach week stories and all that jazz. I guess it was just good to be together again because I don't know how many more nights like this we'll be able to have this summer. Everybody has different plans. Erkan's spending his summer in Germany, I'll be in Miami and California, Keirn will be in California, Nina will be everywhere so in other words our schedules are all really crazy and I guess we're all trying to spend as much time as possible with one another before school starts up again. I guess we'll just make the most of it. (PS: Have I told you guys that I love all of you?)

Anyway we decided to go into the pool that night and so everyone jumps in but Drew and I decided it was way to cold so we just sat on the edge of the pool and dangled our legs in it. Everyone was trying to get us to come in so Drew said that he would go in if I went in (and he knew I wasn't gonna go in so he was set) but then Jason decided to throw me into the pool with my clothes on... GREAT! THANKS JASON! Have fun in Williamsburg with your 3 cornered hat (ha ha I'm kidding - jase, we lofe you). So Drew had to go in now since I went in and he wouldn't so Jason pushed him in too. Afterwards Drew and I were really really cold and really really not happy so we shared a towel and dried off and threw Jason into the pool with his clothes on too. Karma will come and kick you in the butt won't it Jase? :Þ So anyway as Drew and I are drying off we're talking to Katie and everyone in the pool and Katie decides to go into the Steam room downstairs because it was really cold so that was awesome. It was just the three of us in the steam room so that was fun. I decided to inform everyone after about 10 minutes in the steam room that this was so good for our pores... and soon after they turned on the shower that was in the room and took the shower heads and started spraying everything in there so that was good times. Yeah so about drying off... yeah we failed, but at least we were warm. Oh yeah and just in case you were wondering my shirt, Drew's shirt, and Jason's shirt never dried in the dryer so that was GREAT fun. But definately a memorable day thanks to the appearances of: Kaj, Mich, Priyanka, Turk, Reed, Colin, Robbie (in spirit - or on the phone), Nina, Austin, Lesley, Lesley's other half... and everyone else. I love you guys!

Charlottesville = Good times... always.

Wednesday I went to Charlottesville to surprise a friend and this is what happened... but before I get into it, let me just say that I'm currently listening to Stars Hide Fire's acoustic version of their song "Still Breating" and it's really good so everyone go to Purevolume and download it.

All right... I'm ready now. Here's what happened:

Part I.
I left my house at 10ish and drove a little less than two hours down to Charlottesville and I met up with Kenneth at his house. The ride was not as bad as I thought it would be, it didn't feel like I was in the car for long and the roads were really easy to drive (the rain kinda sucked) but the scenery made everything better. Anyway so I get to Kenneth's house and he lives across the street from and odd man who painted a rainbow on his house... yes WELCOME TO CHARLOTTESVILLE. Ha ha only kidding. Anyway so he calls Teka and tells her to meet him downtown but she said she couldn't come until 1:30ish so we had some time to kill. So while we're waiting for Kenneth's sister to come home I took a look at the Capital Key and uh... some books. :) Afterwards his sister Kathleen came home (the legal one) and I got to meet her which was good. She's a really nice girl. I wish I had a cool older sister... or brother. After I met her, we left to go downtown and it was raining so that was kinda ehhh but needless to say Downtown Charlottesville is really nice. It reminded me of Reston Town Center except with cool indie and independant type restaurants and stores etc. It was really cool, I liked it a lot. We ate at a dumpling place and he showed me some really unique stores so that was exciting. Then Teka came and we surprised her and let it be known that the "O-face" NEVER gets old. EVER. It was classic and worth the two hour drive. Then pretty much the rest of the day was spent with her. We all went to the Tea Bazaar which was a really cool place because it had lots of different teas, and the place itself was just interesting to be in, and the people that worked there were unique so it was definately a different experience. I absolutely loved tea so I could have gone home right then and been really happy. Okay so afterwards we went to Boho's which is apparently very Charlottesville and it was cool. It's a lot like The Bagel Shop in Ashburn only bigger and a lot cheaper. Grrrrr... thanks for ripping us off ASHBURN. We went putt-putting at one point during the day... and WE ROCKED, I mean all of us were way too good for this game because our balls kept going in (I hope you realize that I'm lying)... Okay so what really happened is that we had to stop keeping score because we wern't doing very well and people were laughing at us. Woops. But it was fun anyway. Oh yeah and it stopped raining when we were in the tea place so that ROCKED. So then we ate some free ice cream (thanks teka!) and roamed the UVA campus which is gorgeous (DEAR DEAN BLACKBURN - I DISLIKE YOU WITH AN EXOTIC PASSION) and just talked and we also met Teka's mom and made many 'friends.' All in all good times. Then we just decided to go back to Kenneth's and have a music fiesta but that didn't work out too well and at one point we ended up watching the Brady Bunch which was good times too. Then we dropped Teka off and she was happy and it was GLORIOUS.

Part II.
So as we're driving back from Teka's house Kenneth is all, 'oh i forgot to take you somewhere, so let's go now.' Spontaneous? - Yes. So he took me to the lake or "the lakes" because well there's 2 of them and we just kinda walked around talking for awhile. I haven't done something like that in awhile so it was nice. And it was so pretty. I think we were trespassing but it's okay because we are rebels. So we just talked for hours and it was really good stuff and I'll just leave it at that. So all in all I had a great time in Charlottesville... I am now the master of Charlottesville (okay again, I'm lying) but it was so much fun, unlike anything I would have done in NoVa so it was a nice change of pace. And the ride home was awesome because the police wern't out so yeah I got home "in a timely manner" and reunited with my bed.

And they all lived happily ever after... the end... Ha ha sorry.

Thursday, June 17, 2004 = John Vanderslice & Pedro the Lion Concert

I know this was a few days ago, but I just don't want to forget so I'm just going to relive it in my head and write... here goes

Christy and Melanie came to my house adn it had been raining monsoon style earlier in the day so I didn't think we'd be able to go out to DC but luckily it stopped by the time they came over. So Christy is the driver and we take the toll road out to DC to try to get to the Black Cat... emphasis on the "try." And of course, we were smart and left an hour and a half before the doors opened because WE KNOW how much NoVa traffic sucks and it sucked indeed that day. It took us about 45 minutes to get past 66... grrrrrr. Christy had Mapquest directions (and I don't know if you noticed but lately Mapquest directions have been SUCKING). Anyway mapquest told us to go on roads that didn't exist so we ended up taking the "scenic route" which really means we got lost but ended up driving through Georgetown so that was nice. Who doesn't love Georgetown? It's gorgeous. Anyway thank's to the way DC is set up aka intertwining roads we ended up finding the Black Cat somehow... but parking spaces is a whole different story. So we see everyone lined up outside waiting for doors to open but there is no parking garage at this place so we are left to fend for ourselves in DC (which can be SO SKETCHY if you don't park in the right place). So anyway we quickly learned that we definately didn't want to park in a random dark alley so the only option was to parallel park in front of houses and I think everybody going to the concert realized that too because there was absolutely NO parking. We drove for an hour before we found a spot on a road connected to "hot guy street" which I named after a hot guy who lived in one of the houses there. So finally we get to the Black Cat only to realize we have to stand in line because Christy bought her ticket online and she had to pick it up but because of the storm earlier the computers were down and they didn't know who really had a reserved ticket. So that was fun, but the manager came down and told us that they wouldn't start the show until everyone who was waiting got their ticket which was AWESOME.

Before I go on, let me just tell you how much I LOVE the people who go to these concerts. Maybe I'm just attracted to these indie band loving guys - who knows... but everyone was so chill and I really liked the environment that was created. Props to the Black Cat and the people that go there - I LOVE YOU. Okay so anyway, she finally gets her ticket and we go upstairs to the stage and I was so excited because I saw that there wern't that many people there so automatically I knew the setting was really intimate which I love. It wasn't packed nor was it a full house. Everybody had their own space which was a nice change after going to HFS a week or so before where you were up against thousands of people. The opening act was John Vanderslice - I didn't know who he was, but we listened to him on the ride to DC and needless to say he was phenomenal - his music is very laid back and there was no moshing or anything. Everyone was just very relaxed and calm just standing there and taking it all. It was a really good set MINUS the fact that this couple in front of me was ridiculous. The girl had really poofy hair which is fine, I don't mind, but then she started dancing in a moshing and bouncing up and down kind of way which would be okay HAD WE BEEN LISTENING TO THURSDAY or harder music. No this was like listening to coldplay and she hit us all in the face with her hair and I couldn't really see... and as far as her boyfriend goes, he didn't care, he was dancing along with her. Great, thanks life! Though I was annoyed at the time, it's really funny now that I look back on it - it makes for a really memorable experience and a good story. So you're probably thinking? Hey if you couldn't see why didn't you move? And I have an answer and the answer is because everyone was kinda already settled in and I didn't want to just stand in front of them so they couldn't see. But anyhow, once John Vanderslice finished his set, the couple left so that made me happy... only I think I just spoke too soon because the couple was then replaced with two guys who went to William and Mary claiming they were from Arkansas. And so - we're all standing there waiting for Pedro the Lion to set up and start playing so they strike up a conversation with us which is fine, I'm a friendly person, I like meeting people so that was cool... only they were hitting on us and using extremely cliche lines that explain why girls like me just don't date. So I mean we're talking and all and they ask us what schools we attend and what we're all majoring in and then when it comes time to ask them what they're majoring in... one guy says "Women's Studies..." Wow, Mr. Original strikes again. Great! And then he follows that one up by saying, "yeah I'm a flaming femenist at heart..." so I asked him if he went to the march in DC (there was a pro-choice march not too long ago) seeing as how he's such an advocate for women's rights or what not and he says, "yeah I held up a free martha poster!" By this time Christy isn't part of the conversation anymore so Melanie and I are forced to kinda talk to them so they ask us where we're from and we said NoVa and they say, "why is everyone here from NoVa? - we're from arkansas!" First of all they didn't have accents and not to sterotype, but most people in Arkansas do have accents... and secondly everybody here is from NoVa because you guys are currently in the Northern Virginia area where people live inside the BELTWAY. Encounters like this make me wonder if decent guys exist... please exist... PLEASE!

Anyway, Pedro the Lion finally came on stage and they were absolutely amazing... and since the setting was so intimate the audience got to ask questions which I've never seen happen at a concert before so it just made me like Pedro even more just because they actually gave their fans the time of day. After Pedro, we went to the merch tables and John Vanderslice was back there making his rounds just talking to fans and what not and we met him while Melanie and I were buying his CD Cellar Door (which is amazing by the way - Pale Horse is a great song). He was such a nice guy and he thanked us for coming out and was just such a genuine person. I really enjoyed the concert because it was one of the most relaxing ones I've ever been to, everyone was great from the crowd (with a few minor exceptions) to the bands. So after a great time we left and on our way out we saw one of the William and Mary guys and that was awkward but really funny at the same time so we just said bye to him because he made our night pretty memorable. On the way home, we got a little lost on Constitution Avenue but we got the chance to see all the monuments at night and they were absolutely astounding. They were spotlighted against a black canvas - I have never seen DC like that before so I'm thinking maybe I should get lost more often. On second thought, knowing me I'd get lost in an alley and not Constitution Avenue so that might not be such a good idea... But all in all... it was a great concert experience and I had such a great time.

When I was 17 it was a very good year... leave it to the smooth sounds of Frank Sinatra to make your afternoon. I love that song, it's one of those songs that you don't listen to often, but when you do you remember how much you love it. Yes, it's one of "those." So as promised, I am updating. Not much has really happened. I'm planning on going down to Charlottesville tomorrow to surprise a friend - it should be fun. The road to Charlottesville is so pretty... talk about the epitome of a scenic route. It's I-29 all the way down for a little over an hour so it's pretty easy to drive as well. Horray for Country roads! :Þ

This morning I had to go to work... well kinda but I didn't go to bed until 4am so the alarm going off at 9:30 wasn't the best experience ever. But I got up anyway and took the kid to the Sport and Health Club so he could play tennis all day and now I'm not really doing much of anything. I think I have the best job of all time. I'm a nanny-ish person to 10 and 12 year old brothers. It's kind of sad though because it seems like their parents neglect them. - Maybe neglect isn't the word, but I mean we live in the suburbs so it's not unusual for kids to have working parents. It's just really sad in this case because their dad is out of the country traveling 3 weeks out of every month so they barely get to see him and their mom doesn't really come home until 8ish so they don't even get to eat dinner together. I feel bad for them - one of the little boys goes to a prep school with a population of 50 or so kids and that's unfortunate because he doesn't get to meet a lot of people for really experience everything that his brother (who is in public school) does. So anyway, she hired me to just kind of be there with them and keep them company and make sure they don't burn the house down. It's a good job seeing as they're not even here half the time. I remember one time making easy mac for them because the cook their mom hired didn't make enough food for the whole week and they almost died. They were like, "Mary, we haven't had a homecooked meal in so long." All I did was add water and put it in the microwave... imagine what whould have happened if I made real mac and cheese. And that's another thing, sure their parents can be millionaires and buy the best of everything for their children, put them in the best schools, buy their way into college, have maids clean the house and do laundry, or have a cook come every week... but if the parents aren't there - none of that matters. They don't lead normal lives and they don't learn the lessons that other children get to learn from their parents and that's what disturbs me. Even though it shouldn't matter to me, it's just really sad to see first hand that people can treat their kids this way and believe that money is a substitute for love because it's not. I'm surprised these kids are so well-behaved. They can practically do whatever they want to - no one will stop them especially not their parents, but they have the best manners and they listen. I think the parents just got really lucky because they could have turned out to be spoiled jerks but they're very modest and that's what I like about them. This town is so picture perfect (horray planned communities) and whenever you mention the town's name everybody is like oh my god - that town is amazing. - If only people knew what went on behind the scenes and if only the people here didn't live in denial and stopped playing pretend. Just because everything looks perfect doesn't mean that it is.

Today I realized that I didn't update this as much as I would like to so I've decided to be better about that starting today. Summer is here and it has been very relaxing. I'm off of the hectic "school schedule" and I can sleep in sandwiched between my sheets until I feel like getting up... what a concept. For awhile, I forgot what that felt like and I miss it. We're moving soon - I think we have a few more weeks until our move out/in date. I'm so excited. I am in love with the new house and I know school will be starting up again soon and all, but I will at least get to spend a month or so in this new place I will call my abode. :)

For father's day I went to Maryland for a day of boating and seafood with my family. I think the place we visited was called Crisfield. I haven't been there in such a long time so it was so great to be back. I love the instant change of pace that I feel everytime I go there. It's as if everything changes in one instant upon arrival when I see the sign that welcomes the visitors to this area. Everybody there is so hospitable and so much more appreciative of everything they have been given. I'm not saying people in Northern Virginia aren't hospitable or appreciative - it's just different out there and I'm not quite sure how to explain it. I love permenant breeze that always sweeps through the town. I love the people there who lead such simple lives, weather they are small shop owners or fishermen, they are so welcoming and friendly. The day was just so relaxing and I made friends with the local fishermen at one point during the day to see what they caught. After making my rounds on the dock and getting some ice cream in the heart of the town we took a ferry out to Tangier Island with my family which was a lot of fun. The ride was wonderful - and the scenery? Perfect. After we got back from the Island we took a boat and just tested the waters. I haven't been boating in so long and I realized how much I loved it. Afterwards we went and got dinner at a place right by the bay and ate outside on the deck and then headed home. It was a really good day and I'm glad I got to spend time with my family. I could tell my dad had a good time and it was really nice going back to Crisfield - and kind of having that feeling of deja vu. It made me think of my childhood when my dad use to take me there all the time - it was just like old times when I was there and that's what I love about this place. It's my burried time capsule that I can dig up from time to time.