Do you ever wonder when enough is enough?

So in a nutshell this is how I feel: "Sometimes it's hard for me, much harder than it seems, I've got to get out of this life before it all comes down on me. It's like they say you've got to live life day to day - you've got to stand up one more time. I wonder how long it's going to take this time... to walk this line as subliminal as the writing on the wall. We're trapped inside complacency you know entoub routine and seal it with a kiss this ignorance has got the best of you" ~ Lyrics from Over It's "Welcome to Virginia"

Anyway so back to the question... whow do you know when enough is enough? Where do you draw the line? I know it's summer and summer = awesome - it's not like we haven't been counting down the days until we were free to go do whatever our hearts desired. But even so, now that it's summer... I'm still really stressed out and sure it's different from the stress I feel when being in school, but it drives me crazy. I wonder if I'll ever sense releif. If it's not schoolwork, then it's definately friends. I'm ready to throw in the towel, I don't want to have to put up with this anymore. I hate having to put on a show. I'm generally a really happy upbeat person who loves life but lately I've been anything but. I don't care anymore and I just can't take this. A vacation somewhere by myself is really needed right about now. I just need a quiet week somewhere all by myself so I can just sort things out - no pressure, no strings attached. Just once is all I'm asking. I really don't want to be "THAT PERSON" - I just haven't been feeling like myself lately and it sucks. I haven't been eating much and that's fine whatever - there's so much more to worry about. I'm frustrated and I'm sad and I don't know who to talk to actually I do, but I don't want to burden anyone just because I know this is just a phase I'm going through and I really don't want anybody to be worried or stressed out... afterall, it IS summer and no one wants to deal with issues during summer so that's fine. I just need to leave and I'll come back just fine.

It's just that sometimes you can't be the person that everybody expects you to be. I remember earlier this year Erkan told me that he knew he could always count on me because I was the "only one who had it all together." Well... not so much anymore right? I really want to be that person, but right now I just can't and everything is falling apart so what do I do? If I'm the one that people can turn to... where's the person who "has it all together" that I can go to? This year has just been so emotionally draining and it seems like this summer is no different and there's still so much of it left. I don't want to spend my summer feeling the way I do now - so, what do I do? I don't know and that's okay... I'll just take it one day at a time but I just really need a break. I need a change of pace. I miss California, I miss Matty, I miss the beach, I miss being carefree and laid back. Only a few more weeks and I can cure my California-itis.

Okay I promise this is the last of the EMO blogs that I will write for awhile...