jotting a few notes for today...

1. Fall is finally here. Fall in Blacksburg is really the equivalent of a "mild winter." It is almost always 10 degrees warmer in Northern Virginia and that is just NOT fair. This morning was brutal. 25 degrees, frost on the windshield, bust out your hat and gloves cold. This is NOT fun seeing as it warms up to about 65 degrees during the day and it makes you feel like an idiot when you have on 9 layers of clothing because you are unfortunate enough to have early classes.

2. I love the crispness of the air in the Fall even though the weather in the morning kind of makes me miserable.

3. I find the juxtaposition of me being really warm (because I'm wearing a lot of layers) and my face and hands being really cold very characteristic of Fall here. In the winter, I am just cold all over. Like bone-chilling, why the hell did I leave the comfort of my delicious bed this morning, regretful cold.

4. I listen to a lot of Elliott Smith in the Fall... don't ask me why... I set myself up for really depressing music when it gets cold outside. By Winter, Bright Eyes is on rotation almost always... and then in the Spring, Guster comes onto the playlist. Funny how that works huh?

So far the songs that have been on rotation the most are as follows:

Angeles - Elliott Smith (possibly my fav Elliott song)
Between the Bars - Elliott Smith
I will follow you into the dark - DCFC
What Sarah Said - DCFC
The Greatest - Cat Power
A Stone - Okkervil River
Firefly - Saves The Day (I know laugh it up, I get so much crap for this. I LOVED this song in HS, and a part of me still does. Esp, belting it out with Matt on drunk nights. We will play this song and run up and down the street. It's really ridiculous actually - how have we not been arrested for drunk in public doing this yet?)
One Too Many Mornings - Bob Dylan
Lilac Wine - Jeff Buckley
Red Right Ankle - The Decemberists
Cathedrals - Jump Little Children

Okay so here goes...

1. I woke up this morning with a stye. How annoying? Aside from bacteria, these can be brought on by stress. For those of you who know me, I am a germ-o-phobe so I'm going to have to say this one was a result of stress. It was really lame to have to deal with this morning but NOTHING that some great make up tips from the gay guys at Mac couldn't fix. I managed to look like a human being today which was great.

2. I had a box of candy today. I'm not much for sweets but I guess I just had some weird craving. Anyway... I was walking to class on campus with it and everytime I ran into a friend I'd give them a handfull of candy. It is a minute and rather insignificant moment of my day, but it made me feel really good. And, I think the sugar rush gave all of my sleepy friends the boost of energy that they deseprately needed on this Monday.

3. I think I'm going to post a clip to vimeo soon. I'll work on it this weekend when I have some time. It's been way too long. PLUS, I haven't tested out any movie maker stuff on my Mac so that will be exciting! I hear Mac has awesome media software. How creative I can actually be with it is to be determined.

Sunday's random thoughts:

1. I'm seriously considering leaving this blog behind and switching over to a tumblr... I haven't been posting much lately and I feel like tumblr is a lot more stream of consciousness anyway, which I like. I have a real diary (can you believe that?) for the important stuff that is relevant to me. I think I'm one of the FEW people who still keep a written diary. I've had this blog since the end of High School. That is hard for me to believe. Just reading through the posts I can see that I've changed a lot. Maybe it's time to leave it all behind... too bad I get attached. Ha.

2. It would be nice if I could just wear dresses everyday of the year. Yes, even through the winter. I'd like to constitute a no pants rule for myself but sadly, it is frigid in Blacksburg and the crazy mountain weather will not allow any outfit that requires less than 7 layers. Sad, right?

3. I need to go to a concert soon. I'm thinking to catch Bright Eyes on their tour. My friend Anton plays violin for them from time to time. I wonder if he's going to be on tour. If so, it would be great to see him! It's been 2 years!

4. I desperately need to go on a roadtrip. It's not that I don't like Tech, I really need a change of scenery. I haven't been much on going out the past few weekends... and I've gotten a lot of crap for it.

I really hope I age as well as my mom. She's almost 50 and looks fabulous!

I should prob. be better about this.

When I am really stressed out, I do not eat. I don't know why I do it, usually when people are stressed out they eat, but I'm the opposite. This week has been the worst in terms of nutrition. I am writing this as a reminder of myself to not have another week like this. I'm not particularly bogged down with work. I'm doing a lot better in research as far as hours go. I talked to one of my advisors today and she said I was good to go for graduation in May both majors and all so I really don't know why I'm so effing stressed out. There is no drama with the roomates, there has never been. Everything is fine with friends and family. I don't know, I've been feeling really anxious lately... and for what? Everything is okay. I've been getting all my work done. Am I stressed because I have nothing to stress over? I hope not because that would be taking my type A personality a little too far.

Anyway, the past week, I've had no desire to eat anything. It's 3:50 and I just consumed a cup of lowfat yogurt and that's all I have eaten today and I feel fine. I was going to make a wrap but I looked at the veggies and felt sick. Yesterday... I had an apple, a couple of crackers, and 3 cheez-its and called it quits. WTF!

To remedy this issue, my roomates and I have decided to order pizza and watch The Office tonight. Perhaps, we'll write "Alfredo's" on the box... you know, just to make it super office themed.

I don't know why my appetite is gone, it sucks. I just don't feel very healthy right now.

The collegiate times said it best in their paper today:

"Even though the outward signs have faded, very few of us have gone a day without thinking of that Monday. Looking back, it almost seems more like one long, drawn-out moment than a series of weeks spent attempting to come to terms with what happened. The following weeks were rather a continuous stretch of events; days and nights did not exist.

We all still think about that moment, struggle with that moment, and bear the burden of acknowledging that moment, every day of our lives."

10.16.2007

Things to do:

1. Research all morning before my 1 class
2. Go to anatomy
3. Write a paper/stay as busy as possible to not think about today being the 6 month mark
4. Stay away from all the ritualisitc stuff because at this point... I'm too drained to deal with it
5. Hopefully at the tail end of the day, I'll be able to drop off some flowers on the drillfield and think by myself without the whole school doing the same thing. It's selfish of me right? But, honestly, I feel like too much of a spectacle is made and I'm sure it's genuine but I think the media coverage even if it's just local is intrusive. Well, at least for me it is so I choose not to get swept up in it. I think it's good that the school and the community can reach out to one another. There is no shortage of shoulders to cry on that's for sure, but sometimes, it's just good to be alone with your thoughts. I feel like that's what tomorrow (technically today) will be for me. The one thing that has remained constant throughout these past 6 months is the love that we had/will continue to have for our friends.

Just some things I've noticed:

- I can't stand when all people do is complain about a situation and are not proactive about changing the situation. I can't help you if you can't even fathom a solution to something. Maybe I'm too methodical, maybe I am too science oriented now that I actually believe there is a solution to almost everything... but even if you can't forsee a solution to a problem you have, at the VERY least, TRY to do something... anything rather than complain.

- It really bothers me when people drink so much they become hostile. It's not a fun environment for anyone. Also, nobody wants to babysit. This is not freshman year. Don't drink if it makes you a crappy person.

- In other more exciting news, it's nice out again. It kind of scares me seeing as it's mid-October and 77 degrees but who am I to deny this warm weather and sun?

- I'm thinking about getting out of Blacksburg, maybe a trip to UVA or Wake will be in the cards in the next few weeks. Vote on your favorite school.

Sorry this has been all I've been blogging about lately. I promise the next couple updates, whenever they may be will be on a different subject. This event has been a pretty large part of my life and as sad and heavy as it was, I'm glad I was able to share it or just write my thoughts regarding it. It's been theraputic in a way. In going back and reading these blogs, I see that I've gotten a lot better over time. I was torn to shreds when it first happened. I still can't believe that it happened but acceptance has come with time and I feel like I'm at a pretty good place right now. I've made my peace with the situation thanks to the help of great friends and family.

Anyway, I hate to continuously dwell on this but there is a book that came out about April 16. Encouraged by a journalism teacher on campus, many students, faculty and members of the Virignia Tech community took part in this endeavor and wrote about their personal experience with this event. I think it will be enlightening and heartbreaking to read these accounts. I can pretty much run through that day in my head minute by minute - time passed so slowly that day and the days and weeks that followed. This will certainly be my next read, it's something I look forward to and kind of dread at the same time knowing that it will certainly strike a few cords. Anyway, here's a link to the amazon page for those of you who are interested.

http://www.amazon.com/April-16th-Virginia-Tech-Remembers/dp/0452289343