It's so hard.

It's true! To us, Ryan Clark was bigger than Superman.

I've never experienced the death of a friend before and it has been an uphill battle for me. It's currently 4:22 am and I can't sleep. I keep thinking about Stack and how much I miss seeing him around. I cry all the time and am so consumed by it that I shake. I don't understand, and it hurts so much more knowing that he was so full of promise. I look at his pictures and I break down everytime. I want so much to visit his stone on the drillfield and maybe just reflect but I honestly don't know if I can handle it. There are moments throughout the day when I'm with my friends and I'm feeling okay but it's these moments when I'm alone and I realize that he isn't here that I just break down like this. It's so surreal. I visited UVA this weekend for Foxfield and my friend I was staying with had a copy of the most recent Time magazine and all 32 victims were on the cover. Stack, a couple weeks ago who was just a normal college student is now on the cover of Time magazine. I don't believe it. He meant so much and it hurts to just see his life summed up in a few sentences or used as a headline for some news article. We drove through parts of the state this weekend, and I saw that some of the flags were not at half mast anymore and it was saddening to me. I know that this tragedy does not effect everyone else as much as it effects Tech students, but it was kind of a sign that people were ready to forget and move on. That is just very unsettling to me just because this event hit so close to home, and I know that the official period of mourning is generally a week, but I can't help but think that the flag that flies inside me for my Hokie family will forever be at half mast. I'm having a hard time accepting this.