:(

I'm trying. I'm trying really hard. I try to crack a smile for him, but damn, it's so so hard. Everytime I see his picture, I just cry. Graduation is this weekend and it's so bittersweet. Just knowing Stack was so close - knowing this moment was taken away from him. I am so torn. I can't believe it has been 3 weeks. It doesn't feel like it. It's not fair, nobody deserved this. None of them. My heart is so heavy - I just miss them so much. You know what bothers me? The fact that Facebook is going to erase their profiles May 15th or 16th. It's some sort of rule they have. I guess they keep profiles up for a month after people die. I know it's something really petty to be angry about but I can't stand the thought of him or any of them being erased. People still talk to Stack on his Facebook - I don't think any of them are ready for that connection to be taken away. I know I'm not ready to have that taken away. I feel very selfish for still needing to see his profile, but it kind of feels like he's still around that way. Taking him away will make it all seem too real and too final. I know that's my reality right now, but I am not ready to let go. Like I've said before - I'm NOT ready to say goodbye. Nobody is. Not like this. I just wish I could run into him one more time, see him flash that notorious smile, give him a big bear hug and let him know that I love and respect him.

Only in dreams.