more dreams

I had a dream a few nights ago where it was April 16th again. I was in a classroom when somebody came in and opened fire. The person's face was unclear. All I know is that I hit the ground in panic along with the rest of my classmates. In my dream, I was shot 3 times in my upper back/shoulder. It was weird because I could feel the initial piercing pain of the bullet in my dream. I woke up the next morning completely sore and my right arm numb. It just felt so real. I remember at the end of my dream right before I woke up the police had entered right in time for the gunman to shoot himself in the face. It was so weird, I felt as if I was actually in one of the rooms. It really scared me. I've been talking to a grief counselor and he said that these dreams were normal reactions to a very abnormal event. Sounds so textbook doesn't it? When I was talking to this counselor I could kind of sense that he was very bothered by the whole event as well . He mentioned that he had actually had some sessions with people who were in the classrooms where the majority of the people died. He said their accounts of what went on were just devastating. We talked about trauma and how the rescuers were dealing with it. I couldn't possibly imagine what they are going through. Pronouncing somebody dead all the while hearing their cell phones constantly ringing with desperate attempts from loved ones to get a hold of them. It tears me up just thinking about it. It's going to take a lot longer to heal than the experts are predicting. I was driving home today, and "Yesterday" by the Beatles came on and I started tearing up. Sometimes when I'm out with friends, I will have to leave the room because it will hit me all at once, and I feel really bad when it does because I don't want to bring attention to myself. I'm sure they understand but I feel bad none the less because nobody should be this emotionally unstable. The other day I saw pictures of Matt LaPorte's funeral (the cadet) and I couldn't help crying. The corps of cadets followed him to his final resting place. It was a beautiful service.