I can't stop crying tonight. I miss them so so much. There was a point a couple weeks back when I realized I wasn't crying myself to sleep anymore over this. I thought it was progress... I don't know what the deal is with tonight, but it's so draining both physically and emotionally. I think it's all because I have much more time on my hands now then when I was at school so I have more time to think about these things. It's so tough and sometimes I wish the tears would just stop. To be able to do that physically you'd have to dehydrate yourself which in turn would just land you in the hospital hooked up to an IV. If those are my choices, I choose crying. I just hate that I'm thinking about this too much and over analyzing a situation that I had no control over.

I guess the only thing getting me through this is knowing that they're okay. Okay maybe not knowing for sure, but innately, I feel a sense of peace in regards to where they are. You've seen their profiles and read about them - what better people to be watching over us right? They're presence is still here and it's strong. I constantly see things that remind me of Stack and they make me smile just like he did. I see him in the perfect weather we've been having. I see him in the songs that I hear that make me want to sing along. I see him in the sunshine that kisses my forehead when I step outside in the morning. I see him in the slight breeze that comes into my room when I crack the window open. I see him in myself and in others around me. He's still very much here and I'm thankful that I haven't forgotten that.