I feel HORRIBLE. Like a complete incompetant asshole.

Today was September 11. The 3 year anniversary if I remember correctly (see I am a total asshole, I can't even remember how many years ago it was) I feel really disrespectful of all who have given up their lives and for those who continue to do so by fighting overseas. Today was our first home game and I ended up going to that. Apparently we did some sort of tribute the Corps of Cadets did a formation and we talked about it and had the moment of silence or whatever. First of all, I missed all of that which kind of sucked because at least I would have been able to say that I did take part in some sort of memorial vigil today, but I didn't and I feel so bad. I feel bad that I was cheering for my football team - what a way to remember those who had died... I am such a jerk. And it just feels like we have all just forgotten too easily. I will remember that day for as long as I will live. I will remember where I was when I found out, who I found out from, how they said it, what time it was, who was with me... and just really little details. In comparison to last year, this year just didn't cut it as far as honoring those who had died. And I know you guys may be thinking, oh well just move on... but you know, now that I think of it, and what happened, who died, how they died, and when all the memories come rushing back... the only way I can "move on" is not by rooting for a football team but to remember the history that I was a part of and embrace it and just remember it for what it's worth to me and it didn't feel like I was able to do that today. Maybe it was just because I was in a college setting and today was game day, maybe it would be different if I were at home... but, I feel as though last year there were more candle light vigils. It wasn't even on the news and no one really talked about it or remembered it. It's kind of tragic to see us losing sight of what we said we'd change about ourselves as a result of what happened only to see that we've gone back to being the same as we were before... and even though we say we'll live everyday of our lives like it is the last because of this new insight we have gained... can we honestly say that we have lived everyday like it was our last and told everyone that we needed to tell that we loved them? I'm not going to lie there are people I should say I love you to that I don't and... I know I contradict myself and I hate it. I am such a jerk. I do appreciate what I have, and the life that I was given and the fact that I can live to see another day. Just thinking about those whose lives were cut short just kills me. It's tragic - there is so much to live for and it was not their choice to die but I trust that the man upstairs knows what he's doing and I find solace in that. I just wish we could have done a little more in their memory today and I know eventually the September 11th thing will die down as we get older (kind of like the whole Pearl Harbor thing) but 3 years seems a little too soon for this to be fading out. Now I'm not trying to tell people to relive the past and that horrible day because that can be painful, I'm just feel as though we should show more respect.

So I guess that's all for tonight.