Moving out!

Find me at: maryanne.tumblr.com!

See you there & thanks for reading!

Meh.

So I went to West End (a delish dining hall on campus) with some friends today and I came to the realization that this was the first time I've been all year. WEST END, a place I could not live without Freshman year. THE West End, I worshiped when I was 18! This is the first time I've been back in months. My friend Stack who passed away in April as a result of what happened here used to work there. He'd pretty much ALWAYS be there around dinner time... working the pasta line with a smile and ready to strike up a good conversation. Maybe subconsciously I haven't gone back because I knew that he wouldn't be there and I knew that it would make me a lot sadder than I wanted it to. Death is hard to deal with. Sure enough, it has been 6 months already, and for the most part, day to day I'm okay. Days like today are just little blatant reminders that my friend is no longer here and for me, that's just incredibly difficult.

I also realized none of the faces there looked familiar. I must be OLD. Going to West End my first two years at Tech was a social event, you would run into EVERYONE. This time around, there were no familiar faces, and that was just kind of funny to me. I guess it's just an indication that the cycle keeps going whether you want it to or not. The new kids are coming in and you're leaving soon. I haven't thought about that at all. I will really miss this place. I know I'm not even halfway done with my Senior year yet, but honestly, I really LOVE this school and the memories I have here.

I guess that's what it boils down to though, in the end, it will just be you and your memories right?

RECENT OBSESSIONS!!!

- Dirty Sexy Money (the show)... I started watching it 2 weeks ago and now I'm in love. I can't get enough of this show. I will probably watch it from the beginning starting tomorrow.

- BCBG (this is not so much a recent obsession as it is an ongoing one) although RECENTLY, I've been thinking about how much I need to go home and raid this place. Again, I will always be a fan of their dresses. Their dresses make me never want to wear pants again. There's one for everything and they fit PERFECTLY.

- VT Soccer! The guys have been doing extremely well this season and the games are so much fun.

- Lunch and dinner dates with everyone. I haven't done this in a long time and it's been long overdue. I'm glad I'm taking the time to eat and socialize. Before, I'd just grab an apple or some yogurt and go, now, not so much and thankfully that's the case.

- Snail mail, I've started writing old school letters again. The stationary is out and ready to raid your mailbox!

- Hummus & Veggie wraps. Talk about a fusion of all things awesome. It's delicious and healthy too! My fav hummus has to be Sabra's roasted pine nut. I will put this on a wheat tortilla and fill it with red & green peppers, tomatoes, onions, mushrooms, and olives. I pretty much eat this for at least one meal, EVERY DAY. SOOO YUMMY.

jotting a few notes for today...

1. Fall is finally here. Fall in Blacksburg is really the equivalent of a "mild winter." It is almost always 10 degrees warmer in Northern Virginia and that is just NOT fair. This morning was brutal. 25 degrees, frost on the windshield, bust out your hat and gloves cold. This is NOT fun seeing as it warms up to about 65 degrees during the day and it makes you feel like an idiot when you have on 9 layers of clothing because you are unfortunate enough to have early classes.

2. I love the crispness of the air in the Fall even though the weather in the morning kind of makes me miserable.

3. I find the juxtaposition of me being really warm (because I'm wearing a lot of layers) and my face and hands being really cold very characteristic of Fall here. In the winter, I am just cold all over. Like bone-chilling, why the hell did I leave the comfort of my delicious bed this morning, regretful cold.

4. I listen to a lot of Elliott Smith in the Fall... don't ask me why... I set myself up for really depressing music when it gets cold outside. By Winter, Bright Eyes is on rotation almost always... and then in the Spring, Guster comes onto the playlist. Funny how that works huh?

So far the songs that have been on rotation the most are as follows:

Angeles - Elliott Smith (possibly my fav Elliott song)
Between the Bars - Elliott Smith
I will follow you into the dark - DCFC
What Sarah Said - DCFC
The Greatest - Cat Power
A Stone - Okkervil River
Firefly - Saves The Day (I know laugh it up, I get so much crap for this. I LOVED this song in HS, and a part of me still does. Esp, belting it out with Matt on drunk nights. We will play this song and run up and down the street. It's really ridiculous actually - how have we not been arrested for drunk in public doing this yet?)
One Too Many Mornings - Bob Dylan
Lilac Wine - Jeff Buckley
Red Right Ankle - The Decemberists
Cathedrals - Jump Little Children

Okay so here goes...

1. I woke up this morning with a stye. How annoying? Aside from bacteria, these can be brought on by stress. For those of you who know me, I am a germ-o-phobe so I'm going to have to say this one was a result of stress. It was really lame to have to deal with this morning but NOTHING that some great make up tips from the gay guys at Mac couldn't fix. I managed to look like a human being today which was great.

2. I had a box of candy today. I'm not much for sweets but I guess I just had some weird craving. Anyway... I was walking to class on campus with it and everytime I ran into a friend I'd give them a handfull of candy. It is a minute and rather insignificant moment of my day, but it made me feel really good. And, I think the sugar rush gave all of my sleepy friends the boost of energy that they deseprately needed on this Monday.

3. I think I'm going to post a clip to vimeo soon. I'll work on it this weekend when I have some time. It's been way too long. PLUS, I haven't tested out any movie maker stuff on my Mac so that will be exciting! I hear Mac has awesome media software. How creative I can actually be with it is to be determined.

Sunday's random thoughts:

1. I'm seriously considering leaving this blog behind and switching over to a tumblr... I haven't been posting much lately and I feel like tumblr is a lot more stream of consciousness anyway, which I like. I have a real diary (can you believe that?) for the important stuff that is relevant to me. I think I'm one of the FEW people who still keep a written diary. I've had this blog since the end of High School. That is hard for me to believe. Just reading through the posts I can see that I've changed a lot. Maybe it's time to leave it all behind... too bad I get attached. Ha.

2. It would be nice if I could just wear dresses everyday of the year. Yes, even through the winter. I'd like to constitute a no pants rule for myself but sadly, it is frigid in Blacksburg and the crazy mountain weather will not allow any outfit that requires less than 7 layers. Sad, right?

3. I need to go to a concert soon. I'm thinking to catch Bright Eyes on their tour. My friend Anton plays violin for them from time to time. I wonder if he's going to be on tour. If so, it would be great to see him! It's been 2 years!

4. I desperately need to go on a roadtrip. It's not that I don't like Tech, I really need a change of scenery. I haven't been much on going out the past few weekends... and I've gotten a lot of crap for it.

I really hope I age as well as my mom. She's almost 50 and looks fabulous!

I should prob. be better about this.

When I am really stressed out, I do not eat. I don't know why I do it, usually when people are stressed out they eat, but I'm the opposite. This week has been the worst in terms of nutrition. I am writing this as a reminder of myself to not have another week like this. I'm not particularly bogged down with work. I'm doing a lot better in research as far as hours go. I talked to one of my advisors today and she said I was good to go for graduation in May both majors and all so I really don't know why I'm so effing stressed out. There is no drama with the roomates, there has never been. Everything is fine with friends and family. I don't know, I've been feeling really anxious lately... and for what? Everything is okay. I've been getting all my work done. Am I stressed because I have nothing to stress over? I hope not because that would be taking my type A personality a little too far.

Anyway, the past week, I've had no desire to eat anything. It's 3:50 and I just consumed a cup of lowfat yogurt and that's all I have eaten today and I feel fine. I was going to make a wrap but I looked at the veggies and felt sick. Yesterday... I had an apple, a couple of crackers, and 3 cheez-its and called it quits. WTF!

To remedy this issue, my roomates and I have decided to order pizza and watch The Office tonight. Perhaps, we'll write "Alfredo's" on the box... you know, just to make it super office themed.

I don't know why my appetite is gone, it sucks. I just don't feel very healthy right now.

The collegiate times said it best in their paper today:

"Even though the outward signs have faded, very few of us have gone a day without thinking of that Monday. Looking back, it almost seems more like one long, drawn-out moment than a series of weeks spent attempting to come to terms with what happened. The following weeks were rather a continuous stretch of events; days and nights did not exist.

We all still think about that moment, struggle with that moment, and bear the burden of acknowledging that moment, every day of our lives."

10.16.2007

Things to do:

1. Research all morning before my 1 class
2. Go to anatomy
3. Write a paper/stay as busy as possible to not think about today being the 6 month mark
4. Stay away from all the ritualisitc stuff because at this point... I'm too drained to deal with it
5. Hopefully at the tail end of the day, I'll be able to drop off some flowers on the drillfield and think by myself without the whole school doing the same thing. It's selfish of me right? But, honestly, I feel like too much of a spectacle is made and I'm sure it's genuine but I think the media coverage even if it's just local is intrusive. Well, at least for me it is so I choose not to get swept up in it. I think it's good that the school and the community can reach out to one another. There is no shortage of shoulders to cry on that's for sure, but sometimes, it's just good to be alone with your thoughts. I feel like that's what tomorrow (technically today) will be for me. The one thing that has remained constant throughout these past 6 months is the love that we had/will continue to have for our friends.

Just some things I've noticed:

- I can't stand when all people do is complain about a situation and are not proactive about changing the situation. I can't help you if you can't even fathom a solution to something. Maybe I'm too methodical, maybe I am too science oriented now that I actually believe there is a solution to almost everything... but even if you can't forsee a solution to a problem you have, at the VERY least, TRY to do something... anything rather than complain.

- It really bothers me when people drink so much they become hostile. It's not a fun environment for anyone. Also, nobody wants to babysit. This is not freshman year. Don't drink if it makes you a crappy person.

- In other more exciting news, it's nice out again. It kind of scares me seeing as it's mid-October and 77 degrees but who am I to deny this warm weather and sun?

- I'm thinking about getting out of Blacksburg, maybe a trip to UVA or Wake will be in the cards in the next few weeks. Vote on your favorite school.

Sorry this has been all I've been blogging about lately. I promise the next couple updates, whenever they may be will be on a different subject. This event has been a pretty large part of my life and as sad and heavy as it was, I'm glad I was able to share it or just write my thoughts regarding it. It's been theraputic in a way. In going back and reading these blogs, I see that I've gotten a lot better over time. I was torn to shreds when it first happened. I still can't believe that it happened but acceptance has come with time and I feel like I'm at a pretty good place right now. I've made my peace with the situation thanks to the help of great friends and family.

Anyway, I hate to continuously dwell on this but there is a book that came out about April 16. Encouraged by a journalism teacher on campus, many students, faculty and members of the Virignia Tech community took part in this endeavor and wrote about their personal experience with this event. I think it will be enlightening and heartbreaking to read these accounts. I can pretty much run through that day in my head minute by minute - time passed so slowly that day and the days and weeks that followed. This will certainly be my next read, it's something I look forward to and kind of dread at the same time knowing that it will certainly strike a few cords. Anyway, here's a link to the amazon page for those of you who are interested.

http://www.amazon.com/April-16th-Virginia-Tech-Remembers/dp/0452289343

I think this is pretty phenomenal

http://next.oregonianextra.com/lovelle/

I don't know what else to say, just see for yourself - click through some of the videos. It's sad and touching, mostly touching.

Perhaps I will spend my summer and maybe delay med school for a semester and move to France.

- Sort things out
- Speak a whole lot of French
- Write my grandpa more gramatically correct french letters
- Get married & divorced - It's Paris, it's love, it's bound to happen/fail
- Read a lot of Camus... en francais!
- Discover the world that inspired Camus
- Be all existential and what not
- Come back to America disappointed

that's the plan, of course this will probably change in the morning when i wake up and realize i typed this the night before after going downtown and creating my own epiphany cafe upon coming home. deep wasted thoughts.

It's National Unmarried Single Americans Week...

How fitting? Think I'm totally shitting you?

http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/usaweek/intro.htm

you're wrong. it's real!

I love this:

"Relationships don't work the way they do on television and in the movies. "Will they? Won't they?" And then they finally do and they're happy forever. Give me a break. Nine out of ten of them are angry because they weren't right for each other to begin with...Bottom line, is the couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else but the big difference is they don't let it take them down...one of those two people will stand up and fight for the relationship every time; if it's right, and they're real lucky one of them will say something."
- Dr. Cox from Scrubs

Hair grows one hundreth of an inch every day.

I chopped all mine off this summer and at the time I thought it was a good idea. Now that my uncle's wedding is coming up... I'm kind of missing my long hair. I can't really do anything to my hair now so that kind of sucks. It's in a constant state of pony-tail. This is actually a really lame rant. I'm thinking I'm never cutting my hair this short again and when it does grow back, I am seriously considering going to Shag in Boston to get it cut.

Life is funny in that when somebody is gone, memories of the little things drive you nuts.

All I've been thinking about lately everytime I pass the stones on the drillfield is how awesome it would be just to high five Stack or run up and give Dan a hug with one of those "omg, I can't believe you're here too" faces at a party.

This sucks.

I still have my shirt from the highlighter party that Dan signed and everytime I see it or wear it I can't help but regret washing all the writing off of it the day after.

And so it goes... what can you really do?

We're pretty much obsessed with our school.

2 Alumni have made a movie called Hokie Nation. See the trailer below:

The 4.16. 2007 memorial. I think this is really the perfect place for it. Front and center on the drillfield, right in front of Burruss.




Above: Stack's stone. Obviously, not the best way to visit a friend - we all miss him and want him to be here with us, BUT I do think that this is a nice place to reflect. It's the only proper place to do so and it gets a lot of foot traffic on game days and of course at night when people are feeling a little down and in need of reflection. It's good to see that it's permanent.

I spent some time at the coffee shop tonight and now I can't sleep. Anyway, I was rummaging through my room earlier tonight and came across "the box." It's pretty much just a box that I throw letters, postcards, pictures, and the like in. I read through some of the stuff tonight and stopped halfway through because it made me feel sick. I guess sometimes you're just not as ready as you think you are to readdress certain memories. It was bittersweet and part of me feels glad that I did it, another part of me wrote a letter to a friend that will probably just remain unsent and go into the box. Ha. Nostalgia at it's best.

What a night.

Okay...

even more pumped for the game now.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2995045

Things that made me smile today....

- For those of you who know me well you know that I LOVE Hane's or Fruit of the Loom men's tagless tees. I wear them to sleep at night, I wear them on hangover days with huge shades... I love them. What I LOVE even more is my mom doing my laundry. She visited this weekend with my dad and brought a bag of these AMAZING tagless tees that SHE WASHED to give to me. It was pretty freaking awesome and I am wearing one right now. There is little in life that is better than the smell of fresh t-shirts, especially ones washed my your mom. I may be older now, but let me make it clear that I am NEVER too old to have my mom do my laundry.

- I ran into one of my professors today while I was downtown killing some time during a break inbetween classes... we are on a first name basis now. I have taken every class he has taught and I'm sad because I won't have him my last semester at Tech, but regardless, I caught up with him for a few minutes and it was great. PS: he used to be a rapper. This probably totally raises my credibility downtown... "I know people." Haha.

- I also visited my fav. store downtown while I was there. I love it because the owner is so into fair trade and sweatshop free clothing. She carries a lot of brands that promote that, namely American Apparel. With my love for all things basic, she told me she'd be putting in an order for a couple of the American Apparel unisex v-neck shirts for me! :) Can't wait for them to get here. Oh that aside, we had a great conversation about her trip to Mexico where she stayed in a very remote part of the country. She said that at this particular place she stayed, their economy wasn't really supported because they reject government rule. She loved it because a) it wasn't tourisity and b) because she knew that all of the money she spent there would go directly to them. I was so intrigued. I was also telling her about how unfair it was in the Dominican Republic - I told her I was buying jewlery and of course they had jacked up the prices because they knew we were tourist and I specifically remembered feeling so guilty giving this guy at the resort money knowing that very little of it was going to the person who actually made it.

- My friend Gabe was passing through Blacksburg on his way to Florida to take his grandparents on vacation with his sister. It was perfect, really. I'm really glad it all worked out - I was making dinner for a bunch of friends anyway and he wanted to get dinner so he came over and ate with us and even brought a bottle of great wine! :) That aside, I LOVED the idea of him and his sister getting together and giving back to their grandparents. How amazing is that?! Oh PS: I am super proud of him. He rolls up to my house baller style in his brand spanking new Mercedes GL class, fully loaded... oh this on top of news that he just bought a brand new townhouse. Seriously, not too bad for only having been out of college for a year and a half. On top of that, of the 10,000 realtors in his region, he is ranked 31 which is especially impressive seeing as the housing market isn't doing so well right now. Imagine what he can accomplish when the market is working WITH him. Seriously, I am so proud of this kid and SO glad to see that he is doing so well. Geeze, imagine all this at 23. See you when you're 30 and retired. Haha no... but in all seriousness, I'm so glad I got to catch up with him today. I've known him since High School and during his years at Tech and it's just amazing to see how much people change. Aside from catching up on everything going on in our lives... at one point we ended up in the kitchen talking about our friend Stack, he mentioned visiting the new memorial tomorrow and it just came up. As sad as it is that Stack's gone, we were just standing there talking about some of our favorite memories of him. Gabe went to elementary and part of middle school with Stack in Atlanta and by some odd twist of fate, they ended up at the same college. I don't know, I guess it was just what I needed tonight. It's good that we can talk about our friend without crying. There were just lots of smiles... just like it was when he was here. I guess it's true... people will come in and out of your life, but the impact that they make will stay with you always. I'm thankful for that.

Excited is an understatement.

Check out this article: http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/football/acc/2007-08-28-vatech-opener_N.htm

Oh PS: If you can, tune into GAMEDAY on ESPN. It's their season opener, and they don't know it yet, but we here at Virginia Tech have a special Thank You planed for the nation... we're trying really hard to get it together, but I think that enough of us believe in the cause to come through. It will be touching, you may even cry... but it's the least we could do to say "thanks" to everyone who has supported us through one of the darkest moments in our University's history. It will be good, I promise. I will probably try to go and participate and if I can, I'll snap some pictures.... that is, if I'm not too busy screaming at the top of my lungs decked out in Maroon and Orange.


See you on TV.

Monday, August 27, 2007

To the Virginia Tech Community:

The kickoff of the 2007 football season is nearing, and like most of you, I anxiously await the start of a new season. With a veteran team returning, our expectations are high and I look forward to doing my part, both as an athletics director and a fan, to help this team fulfill those expectations.

It’s as a fan that I write this letter to you. As you all know, our university and our community endured an unspeakable and senseless tragedy this past April. Bright minds and bright futures were lost that day. Physical wounds are still healing and so, too, are the mental ones.

Despite what happened that cold, blustery morning, the hours, days and weeks afterward marked our university’s finest. Our students spoke so reasonably, thoughtfully, and eloquently about such a painful moment. Our campus leadership led strongly and proudly. And the support that flowed in from around the world was overwhelming.

Part of that world is the sports world, and the support from players, coaches, teams, organizations and athletics departments from around the country has been astounding. The sports world has grieved with us and also helped us heal. Those players and teams – both college and pro – have worn our hats, sewn our logo on their uniforms for certain games, and made contributions to the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund.

This upcoming academic year, we will be playing teams on the field and on the court that have supported us through a difficult time. It starts on Sept. 1st when we play East Carolina University to open the football season. The athletics department at ECU plans to contribute a check in the generous amount of $100,000 to the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund, which will be used to aid in the healing process.

Because of what transpired, people everywhere have been, and will be, cheering for the orange and maroon. As the games get ready to begin, I ask that you remember the kindness, generosity, and support by our non-conference and ACC brethren. I ask that you please not boo those players and teams. Instead, while cheering vigorously for the Hokies, I ask that you please respect the opposing players and teams during competitions, and at the end of those competitions, I ask that you applaud their efforts, win or lose. Please treat them with respect, for they certainly have shown us that trait the past several months.

We have a golden opportunity here as sports fans. People have seen how resilient we are as a university and a community. Now, let’s use athletics as one way to thank them. Let us not be remembered simply for the results on the field or the court, but also for the class, respect and graciousness we show off it.

Sincerely,
Jim Weaver
Director of Athletics

... and what a game it will be. I CANNOT WAIT.

ew... i'm all emotional suddenly.

My parents came to visit this weekend and we went to the memorial together. My mom, not having known any of the 32 just stood there crying. It was weird seeing her cry - the only time I've seen her cry is when my grandpa passed away. I guess it's just a very moving tribute. I found myself tearing up a lot too. I'll be fine walking around the semi-circle until I see his name. Needless to say, it's definitely one of those "sunglasses on" places. I think about it all the time... STILL. And everytime, the same thoughts cross my mind. It's just not fair. I mean life is not about fair, but of all people, seriously... why him? Why was it any of them? My mind just can't process it. It just sucks not running into him on campus... or knowing that he won't be in the stands at the first football game. North endzone will never be the same.

I miss him a whole lot. :(

My internet is down until Drew can work his magic. :(

C-C-C-Changes...

- I've decided to test drive the whole being a vegetarian thing and so far so good. My body feels a lot healthier - I have a lot more energy. I don't feel tired after I eat. So far so good. I think I'll have to let my guard down when it comes to seafood though... I love it. Plus, Gillies, the vegetarian place here serves seafood so I feel like it's okay. A protein-free diet is way too dangerous.

- My new roomates are a lot of fun. I like the living situation a lot.

- I'm back in the gym on a pretty regular schedule. I like it so far. I've been switching it up and not doing the same thing everyday. I think my body likes me a lot more because of it.

- This school year, things are obviously different, but I'm closer to my friends now than I ever was before and I like that feeling. We were thrown together in tragedy but maybe this is just the way it's suppose to be. Maybe THIS is the big picture. For a school of 27,000 undergrads and 6,000 grad students to be THIS close is actually pretty amazing. It's unlike any year I've had at Tech.

Ahhh I'm so excited for the first homegame (September 21st)... I can already hear Enter Sandman....



Check it out...



BEAMER BALLL needs to happen as soon as humanly possible. Everyone is so pumped right now.

Tech officially dedicated a memorial to the victims of April 16th. It was sad but also inspiring. I thought what President Steger said was perfect for the occasion. And I also really loved what he said about the hokie stone. It's such a big tradition here at VT. In the bylaws it says that 80% of every building on campus must be covered in this stone. There's a huge piece of hokie stone right above the entrance to the football field that the football players jump up and touch in a high-fiving motion before every single game. It's tradition. And it's a tradition that we all have come to love. When we graduate and walk on that field, we too as students get to come through the stadium the same way the players do and one by one we all jump up and touch the stone. And if we're lucky/smart we'll know where and how to acquire a piece of it to take with us when we graduate. Generally when they are building something on campus and the hokie stone comes in, by the next morning, most of it is missing. Why? The students steal it because it's the building block of our school and our community. It's a weird bond that only a hokie could understand. The architecture students, when building their homes always tell me that they have to get a piece of this stone to incoroporate into the structure of their homes somehow. I love that the memorial is made with these stones, it's just so fitting.

Read/listen to President Steger's speech here: http://www.vt.edu/remember/memorial_dedication/speech_steger.php

Random notes...

1. Blacksburg is currently really awesome
2. My bed is equally awesome
3. Superbad was hilarious. McLovin is my new hero.
4. I went downtown last night and my hands were stamped from going to different bars and I slept on them so I woke up this morning with stamps on my face.

:(

I'm going back to school tomorrow back to my townhouse and as you all know I am more than excited for this Fall. Thing is... this year there will be two familiar faces I won't run into. It's really going to be difficult. I used to always run into Stack when I walked by Harper because he was an RA there and I'd always see him in the West End pasta section where he worked. It's going to be so weird without that welcoming smile we're all so used to. And Daniel... gosh, I used to see him almost every weekend. Everytime his roomates had a party or made dinner, I'd always see him there. It's really going to sink in this year. As I've said before, it really feels like they've been at camp.

The summer gave all of us time to come to terms with what happened or at the very least distance ourselves from the incident. I think choosing to go home was exactly what I needed. It was too sad being there. We're kicking off the year with a memorial tribute to them. As sad as it may be, I think it'll be good for us. I know when the going gets tough, I'll probably spend some nights on the drillfield bringing flowers or something a little more tangible to leave for Stack and Dan. I'm glad they're kicking off the school year by unveiling this memorial - as if the student body wasn't close enough - I think this will be great in bringing us all together again and remind us that we've got each other to lean on as the year progresses. And also, the Freshman will get a taste of what Hokie Pride really is, and that's what I'm most excited to show them.

Hokie Hokie Hokie Hi
Tech Tech VPI...

All Distortion, All The Time
By: Derrick Brown

Hopefully, we'll be able to get him to come do a reading this year. This has been in the works for the past 2 years. I've talked to him a few times about coming, it's just a matter of when and where and which department will be able to fund it. I really am going to go all out this year and try to make this happen. I want to see him live before I graduate. I'm such a fan.

Someone plug my lungs back into the guitar amps!

More distortion ladies!

Hear ye. Hear ye.

All distortion, all the time.

More overdrive!

Thank you, Air Roadies.

Aren’t you sick of being appraised wholesale?

Aren’t you sick of sailing on listing ships?

Aren’t you weary from playing cellos with ex-lover’s
bones?

I want the butterfly brigade to grant me a year with no
stomach problems.

I want to affix the word un-blame in the dictionary so I can
screw up your spell check and so I can call him without shaking.

I want a piano that will not warp outdoors when the rain
demands slow dancing.

I want to know how to sashay on a Saturday with a mouth full
of sa-tay… with Latter day Saints.

I want to skew the difference between Tai Chi and Chai
tea,

and end up drinking a tall glass of graceful force.

I want to lick my hands after I touch someone that has just
become razzle dazzled.

I want birds to come close enough to hear them speak Aviation
Spanish.

I want your record collection in my throat,

and my thumb in the electric ass of the all night
jukebox.

I want my shoulder blades mounted in the museum of
knives.

I want church in a bar.

I want to pass out and hear you say Amen.

I want a skeleton night light in the closet.

I want your wow in my now so we become NWOW.

I want the light in your attic to shine down to where the
sidewalk ends.

I want free shit to not cost anything.

I want you to feel like a disco ball of fish hooks

so you can hang on my words and I can spin in your small
miracles of light.

I want my kitchen to be a Brazilian dance floor with a pot of
your sweat in the oven

and a fridge stocked with butt lust.

I want new sheets.

I want your silver muscles cut into a quilt.

Let me sleep under your strength.

I want more pony lamps.

I want to sing this into all tail pipes until I’m
exhausted.

I want to smell everything.

I want to remember that the sky is so gorgeously large,

I feel stranded beneath it.

When I gasp,

I only want to gasp for more.

... and we don't care about the young folks talking about the young style

OMG! The musical love child of my favorite people/songs EVER. My mind is blown.

Kanye + Peter Bjorn and John.

Tech, Tech, VPI!

I'm going back to school in two days and I'm beyond excited to start this semester. I was talking to Nasser last night and we were trying to come up with a list of things to do since it's our last year. I told him that Heather and I had already started one and he wants in.

So far, here's what we've come up with.

- 5 mile hike in some mountains nearby to the Cascades waterfall.
- tubing down the New River
- boating on Claytor lake (most likely for Todd's birthday because that's what we did last year)
- Eat at Cabo Fish Taco as soon as we all are settled in
- Ride the drunk bus just for kicks (I haven't done this in 2 years, I think I'll tape the chaos for all to see)
- Get food at DX (the on campus drunk food place that's open till 2), get there by 1:59am
- Make it out to the Cadet vs. Civilian snowball fight on the drillfield when we get our first big snow storm. I've always seen this from outside my window when I was on campus, but I've never participated... this year, I have no choice. So what if it means a black eye, I'm so down.
- Of course, go to as many Football games as humanly possible
- Go to as many soccer games as I can with Nasser. My friend who is from Ghana is the star player so we always go and make ridiculous signs that say things like, "Patrick's GHANA rock you!" or " You're GHANA lose!" or "Nyarko's got some paTRICKS up his sleeve." They're corny signs that are probably embarassing for everyone within a two foot radius of us, but we don't really care.
- Go to Homeplace with the Phi Sigs - I went for the first time last year and it was pretty much amazing. I think I fasted for about a week before. haha It's really awesome, you eat in a huge house on a farm. Kind of ridiculous/awesome.

This list will be continued and personally, I think it's pretty realistic. I know for sure the first 4 things on the list can be knocked off the first two weekends I'm at school. I'm SOOO excited to start crossing things off the list.

Oh PS: if there's anything super important I've neglected to add to this list, please let me know.

POKE POKE POKE

General note: DON'T PUT YOUR KIDS ON A LEASH!

I went out for dinner with some friends of mine and we saw this couple who had their kid on a leash! It was absoulutely ridiculous. It's not like you're in Disney World where your toddler could get lost in the crowd of people. This is a suburban strip mall. Even worse was that this baby leash was disguised as a monkey backpack and the worst part was that the tail of the monkey served as the actual leash part. I felt so bad for the kid. He's seriously going to have balance issues. As if that wasn't bad enough OF COURSE, the dad tugged on the leash too hard when the little boy was walking by and he totally face planted on brick. We totally saw this happening. I felt so bad. WHO DOES THIS TO A KID?! I'm not a fan of this practice.

Pointless venting...

I got my hair all chopped off this summer (even though my hairdresser advised me not to) and it came out a little shorter than I expected. I figured it would be easier in the summer just to not have to take care of it, and I really wanted all my damaged ends gone (which they are). Now, I'm having a change of heart. I really want my long hair back - it's not growing back as fast as I thought it would. This is such a supid rant, there are so many other things that are worth talking about but I guess I am kind of sad it's all gone.

Yesss!

A friend of mine spent the summer in Korea and is coming back this week. I told her we'd have all this time to hang out this summer when she got back thinking that Tech didn't start until the very end of August... like the 28th. I don't know why I thought that. School really starts the 20th.... which sadly means that as she comes back, I'll be leaving. Talk about bad planning. We're both pretty bummed. She also goes to school in Boston, so it's not like I could drive there easily like I could to UVA. Lame.

Anyway, today I just realized that both she and I have MacBooks with built in cameras which means that we can use iChat to catch up when she returns to Korea in two weeks. YESSS! Genius idea, plus, it's way better than communicating via phone so I'm pretty excited about this. Too bad I need to set my computer up first THEN learn how this whole iChat thing works. Either way, I'm kind of impressed/in love with technology right now for keeping my friend and I connected when we're on opposite sides of the globe. If only I had this when Nina was in Australia. Skype wouldn't even be part of my vocabulary.

I don't really know how to get into this, but I figure I'll just go ahead and say it.

I met a lot of great people this summer, and when they find out that I go to VT and was there when everything happened, they feel a little awkward. I totally understand where they're coming from. I guess what I wanted to say is that it's okay to ask me questions about what happened. It's okay to ask me about the 32. A lot of people feel they can't because it will make me sad, and though I am sad that they are gone - I'm more than happy to talk about the lives they lived. I try to focus more on the time they had here rather than the moment their lives were taken. They were all extraordinary and they deserve mention - I know, I am more than willing to share what it was like to know a few of them in hopes that they continue to inspire others.

Sometimes I find myself talking about Stack or the last time I saw Daniel and I really hope it doesn't make anybody feel awkward. Though they are gone, they are still a big part of my life and it actually makes me happy to catch myself talking about a memory that I have of one of them because they are all good ones.

I guess I just wanted to get that out there. I kind of had an experience last week where I was meeting people for the first time and the topic came up. I had one of those breakthrough moments afterwards on the way home where I said to myself, "Wow, you can actually talk about it now and be composed." I guess that's a step in the right direction.

Past and Present



Summer is coming to a quick end as I go back to school this week. I'm so Virginia Tech, there's honestly NO place I'd rather be. I know a lot of people have beexcited to be going back to en saying that, but I think because of what happened, we're all realizing how true those words are. You really couldn't ask for a better college experience in Blacksburg. You have small town hospitality coupled with big time sports and great people. It's really fantastic. That aside, I don't know why, but I just have a really good feeling about this year. Last year, I was not so excited to go back since I sacrificed my summer and stayed there to take classes with only a 1 week break to "wind down." This year, I'm more anxious than ever to go back. Perhaps it's because it's my last year and I like anyone else, want to make the most of it. Then again, maybe it's because I'm really looking forward to being with my Tech family again so we can make happier memories and honor our friends and professors who will not be here with us this year. In dealing with something like this, I find it best to be with the people who went through it with you. They know exactly what it's like and they will not be weirded out our surprised if you burst into tears or just have days where you're feeling sad. It just helps to know you're not the only one and you have 27,000 people who are going through it with you. There's power in numbers, I suppose. :)

That aside, my summer has been fantastic. I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends old and new to be around. For one, I got to rediscover DC this summer which has been exciting. I explored a small part of the Dominican Republic, I turned 21, and I went to New York. There have been so many fun and unexpected adventures. Tons of ridiculous mishaps - even more pictures to document such times and I have to say this summer has just left me relaxed and happy. It's exactly what I needed. Last summer was so fast paced and full of deadlines and it was just nice to deviate from that and to reacquaint myself with what "normal" really feels like. I'm also glad I was home for the summer, I needed time to heal, I wanted to be with close friends and family those first couple of weeks to get my mind off of what happened. Who knew that the suburbs and time off is all you really need to re-energize yourself? Thanks to all my friends for making this a great summer. I'm looking forward to roadtripping to see you guys at your schools! And as always, my home in Blacksburg is ready to receive you with open arms if you do come visit (which you should). :)

Warhol vs. Banksy

I would LOVE to see this in person. I saw Warhol a few winters ago at a gallery in DC with my friend and even he, not being one for modern art was in awe. I LOVE WARHOL! That aside, this year in my house, my roommates and I dedicated a whole wall in our living room to Banksy. We had a huge black and white of his picture where the guy throws a bouquet of flowers. It was a big hit with all of our friends and I LOVED it. Now, word on the street is that my two favorites have come together in an exhibit in London. My mind is about to explode - that is way too good to be true. I really wish I could be there to see it. Actually, I hope that the exhibit goes on a world tour and stops in DC so I can check it out. For those of you actually in London right now, GO SEE IT, if not for you than on my behalf. I don't think you'll regret it.

LAME!

I'm having a pregnant woman moment, minus the whole fetus inside me bit... wow, that sounded completely awkward. What I'm trying to say is that ever since going to Pinkberry while I was in New York, the thought of any other ice cream/fro-yo will not suffice. There is a Coldstone less than 2 minutes from me, but that won't hit the spot. I just looked up Pinkberry's store locations and my two options are California or New York. I'm so crushed! My friend is coming to visit me from NYC this weekend, I wonder if she could get it to go and pack it in a cooler with dry ice. That's how much I want this stuff right now. It's so pathetic. They really need to open more stores further south, I don't know how I'll be able to handle the withdrawl over the next couple of months. It's so good. I'm so in love with their green tea soft serve. I like that it's tart and tangy, ice cream is too sweet anyway. Plus it's only 25 calories so honestly how can you not love it. It's not even bad for you. I can't wait until I am reunited with this place, honestly, I miss it so much I'm writing a ridiculous post about it and that is pretty sad.

My super sweet 21st.

I'm not going to go into detail... I'm just going to bullet point some highlights and suggest places to go next time you find yourself in the Big Apple. It was probably one of the most fun long weekends I've had in awhile.

- I was walking down the street with a couple of friends and ran into Sean Paul on a photoshoot right around the corner from where I was staying. It was random and fun and very characteristically New York.

- Nasser didn't tell me he was coming and I just figured he couldn't because of work, but he surprised me at the last minute and came up with a few friends. I was pretty excited.

- Some places we loved include but aren't limited to: Sing Sing Karoke, Oh! Taisho (if you go, order a peach oolong tea), Village Lantern (go there on a Colin Kane night - he's hilarious), and Babouche

- We broke a freaking key trying to open a bottle of beer sealed like wine

- Everybody is hot. Even the guys that work at Whole Foods which makes my grocery experience at Wegmans back at home a very sad one now that I know better. But seriously, everyone is so so nice - it's hard not to fall in love with all the people you meet. Even the nerds at the Apple store were hot. Woe is life in VA.

- All the food is good. We even went to the gyro/falafel man on Broadway and his food was delicious though seemingly sketchy

- Plans to go back come Winter are underway. I think I'm officially in love with this city.

I am sooooo pumped for this football season.

I don't think it's just me. Everyone I've talked to seriously cannot wait to step into Lane Stadium again and rush Worsham field. I feel like this is going to be a great football year. We've got some amazing new talent coming in. I'm pretty excited to see how Frank Beamer chooses to mold these new guys. I don't care what he does so long as Sean Glennon is no longer our quarter back.

Macbook woes...

I've been searching for a computer for the past couple of weeks. My old one kind of bit the dust, hard. Anyway, I've had my heart set on a Mac for awhile. I figure it's a good time to switch it up. I'm sick of my PC. Apparently Macs are pretty freaking popular these days. So popular that they've been sold out for the past 3 days in Northern Virginia. SERIOUSLY?! Even after they are replenished with new shipments every few days, it's almost impossible to get your hands on one unless you are at the Apple store just waiting for it. So today I decided to skip the hassle since I was completely unsuccessful in the store and just call them directly and order. That was probably the best idea ever. There was no hassle and they were SO helpful. I got my new Macbook Pro and iPod in less than 20 minutes. It's being shipped right now. Awesome customer service, I totally recommend calling rather than stalking the Apple store if you're looking to score one of these.

A concert for VT

My friend Heather sent me an e-mail today with some great news. Dave Matthews, John Mayer, Phil Vassar, and Nas are going to be playing a free concert at Tech for members of the VT community on September 6th. It will be held in Lane Stadium which I think is absolutely perfect. The last time all of us were in the stadium was for convocation. Our football coach cancelled the Spring game in light of what happened so the most recent memory that most of us have in there is a sad one. I think that having this concert there is such a good idea. This concert is such a wonderful gesture. Let me be the first to say that we are all incredibly excited and also very thankful.

Official announcement: click here

Some more VT news

Word on the street is that the ICTAS building that is under construction and was during the time of the shootings will be named Librescu Hall. Those are the rumors going around right now but I really hope they're true. I know many students will be rallying behind this cause. Professor Librescu was an awe-inspiring and humble man. I can't think of anybody else more deserving of such an honor. I really hope he gets this.

Lovely cover of Elliott Smith's "Between the Bars"

I really love this song. Recently, I've been listening to a lot of Elliott Smith tribute CDs and I really liked Emily Haines singing this song. I use to lay on the drillfield after a night out staring at the stars and sing this song with friends. I should probably start doing that again as it was a great way to end the night. Anyway, hope you enjoy...

Reflecting

And you know as well as I do, one of these days he's gonna open up a bottle
of white wine for you when you really prefer red, except you never told him
that; and you wanna know why? It's because he's not right for you.
-JD

On going to New York in a few days...

- I can't wait to find myself a temporary gay boyfriend
- I am excited to see Kathryn & Danielle
- I'm even more excited that a couple of my friends are making their way up to celebrate with me
- I can finally get a horizontal license
- I can legally say "Yes" to downtown

New VT Memorial

On August 19th, the day before school starts, VT will officially unveil the new memorial construction project that has been going on all summer. It's a permanent place that stays true to the student made memorial site that was made the week April 16th. The original stones will be given to the families of the victims. I think this is a wonderful tribute to our friends that have passed. I also really like how they decided to keep it in the same location on the drillfield. Right in front of Buruss hall and kind of central to everything. From the architect's computer simulation of it, I think it looks really great. I can't wait to see it in person. I think I'll have my dad come to the dedication with me.

In the news...

-Michael Vick (VA Tech alum) pleads not guilty to dog fighting. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about the Vicks. They are AMAZING football players. There's no doubt about that. Seriously, they come near a football and your school is guaranteed to be on it's way to Nationals. Both brothers have done so much for Tech sports and we love them for that, but seriously, what is up with getting accused of everything in the book?! Michael is the highest paid quarterback in the league, why resort to other illegal activities? I just don't get it - he has everything! Anyway, I guess I'm just interested in how this will all work out. It's such a peculiar news topic. Dog fighting? I didn't know people still did that.

- In other sad and sport related news, Wake Forest's basketball coach Skip Prosser passed away today as a result of a heart attack. I was lucky enough to attend a couple of Wake basketball games in the past couple of years. The most memorable one was their home game against a Florida school (I can't remember which one, maybe FSU). I had 3rd row seats and the dream team was playing. Chris Paul, Eric Williams, Justin Grey etc. They were absolutely amazing and won the game which paved the way for their advancement in March Madness. From the few times I saw him in action, I could tell he was full of passion and really loved his team as well as his fans. Honestly, the Wake basketball games the last year that Paul played were the best I've ever seen. Everyone worked so well with one another and the games were insanely exciting. If there's one thing I would keep with me, it would be how I felt at a Deamon Deacon game in the presence of Skip Prosser. It just won't be the same without him, but they're a strong bunch. We at Tech know a thing or two about loss and I have confidence that this bunch will be able to bounce back - the spirit that's there would not allow otherwise.

County Fair?

sure, why not?

In all the years I've lived here I have yet to go to the county fair, nor have I even been aware that one existed until today. My good friend Heather who lives on the western side of the county invited me out tonight and after being a hermit for the past week, I took her up on her offer. Our friend Nathaniel from school came along with us as he used to live out there too. He wouldn't miss it for the world. Apparently it's was a tradition to go every year when both of them were growing up. Heather told me that she and our friend Kathleen used to show their horses. It's a week long event that ends on a friday with a rodeo which the whole town comes out to see. I had a great time learning about where my friends grew up and the type of things they did. There were naturally a lot of farm animals being showcased. Some of which included, the largest pigs I've ever seen in my life, tons of goats, horses, MINI HORSES (my new favorite), rabbits, and even a camel. It was pretty cool. I'm not use to being in the country but I was glad my friends took me out of my comfort zone and still made me feel like I was at home. It was perfect - just what I needed today. And to make things even better, the weather tonight was PERFECT. We sat on benches eating cotton candy and chatting. I loved it. I noticed how stars are a lot more visible out there... must be nice to see them so clearly all the time. Now, I know why my friends like it out there so much. :)

An Office Space moment

This morning I was driving in my car, windows down because it was a nice day and I put an unmarked CD in. It was a mixed CD from a long time ago and "Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta" came on and I was stopped at a red light. I felt so ridiculous. Ha ha ha, me in a car with this song blasting is kind of funny. I started cracking up because the whole scenario was so amazingly bad.

Shameless advertising for an idol of mine...

John "JD/awesome/badass" Boyer has a book out that you can purchase on Amazon. If it's anything like his lectures it will probably just be a fusion of hilarious, awesome, and informative. I'm not saying this just because I think Boyer is awesome - I think this is good for people to have in general just so they can better understand what is going on around them and in the world (of course). Anyway, check it out if you get the chance! You won't regret it.

Ailey, Baldwin, Floyd, Killens, and Mayfield by Maya Angelou

When great trees fall,
rocks on distant hills
shudder,
lions hunker down
in tall grasses,
and even
elephants
lumber after safety.

When great trees fall
in forests,
small things
recoil into silence,
their senses
eroded beyond fear.

When great souls die,
the air around us
becomes
light, rare, sterile.
We breathe, briefly.
Our eyes,
briefly,
see with
a hurtful clarity.
Our memory, suddenly
sharpened,
examines,
gnaws on kind words
unsaid,
promised
walks
never taken.

Great souls die and
our reality, bound to
them,
takes leave of us.
Our souls,
dependent upon their
nurture,
now
shrink, wizened.
Our minds, formed
and informed by
their
radiance,
fall away.
We are not so much maddened
as reduced to
the unutterable ignorance
of dark, cold
caves.

And when great souls die,
after a period peace
blooms,
slowly and always
irregularly. Spaces fill
with a kind
of
soothing electric vibration.
Our senses, restored, never
to be the
same, whisper to us.
They existed. They existed.
We can be. Be and
be
better. For they existed.

I've been so attached to this poem lately. I read and re-read it pretty often. It's been 3 months and it doesn't feel like it at all. 7:30pm is when I found out - I think about it the 16th of every month. Is that normal?! I can't stand the sound of sirens which I guess is a natural reaction. They're not coming back. They're REALLY not coming back and that's completely unbelievable to me. I've been trying to stay positive - trying not to dwell on this too much but in reality I haven't really been my normal self in months. I know it's like that for a lot of people too. I guess this is just the way things are supposed to be right now. In refrencing Angelou's poem... I think I am hovering at the second to last stanza as far as how I am feeling right now. Just not completely 100% myself and not yet ready to let go. I don't like faking it anymore, I'm sad and I'm still not okay with what happened. I'm going back to Tech in a couple of weeks just to prep my house for move in. I want to bring some stuff there ahead of time and maybe paint a bit. I also think a trip to the stones is long overdue. There are less people there in the summer so it'll be good to go to Stack's stone and reflect without too many people watching. I'm bringing him flowers, I've decided that. I don't even know what type of flowers he likes... it bothers me because that's something I wish I would have had the time to figure out. Instead, I guess I'm going to go with lillies because they're my favorite. This is the only place where he is tangible - a stone. It makes me think of the song "A Stone" by Okkervil River... "You love a stone, because it’s dark, and it’s old, and if it could start being alive you’d stop living alone. " Look up the lyrics, you'll see what I mean...

Random things here and there...

On my way back to the states after a week in DR, my plane was delayed from DR to Miami (where I had a connection to Dulles) which made me miss my flight home. As a result, my trip home was delayed a day and a half since Dulles Airport is such a common place to go and all flights were booked for a whole day (bitter? just a little). They paid for my hotel and all that jazz and I did get to spend a day exploring Miami so that was nice. I opted for a boat trip which was fun - I got to see Star Island. Did you know Vanilla Ice lives there?! Random. I also took a cab to South beach. It was okay - gorgeous beach, gaudy people. Don't get me wrong, I met a lot of nice people, but there was a handfull that were overly flashy. I don't see too much of that in Virginia or DC so it was different. I got to go by the Versace mansion and it was gorgeous. I thought it was a very awkward location for a house like that, it's pretty much smack in the middle of the strip which is odd. It's very public domain -- still beautiful regardless.

Anyway, somehow between getting stuck in Miami for a day and flying back home, I got sick. I don't know if it's a cold, or if it's the flu. All I know is that I'm congested and my head feels like a balloon and it feels like my nose is on fire. Not so fun. I don't know how I got sick. It sucks, but I guess it came at a good time. I've been keeping myself medicated and I've been drinking a lot of tea. Hopefully it helps and hopefully I'll be 100% soon. I hate being sick in general but even moreso in the summer because the weather is so nice out and I hate not being active and not being social. Oh well, I guess I should stop complaining, things could be worse right? I'll just wait this one out.

I went to Ikea the other day to pick up a couple of things - I forgot how much fun that place was. I wanted to buy everything in sight. Good news is... I didn't. :)

Justin called last night at 2:30am and left a joint message with Sagar that teased me for being asleep "so early." They then proceeded to tell me I was lame. Haha, drunk messages still?! Come on guys. As annoying as it was to have the phone right not once but twice when I was sick and trying to sleep... the message was funny and I appreciated it. Just don't make it a nightly thing guys... :P

I also got a letter from Tommy in the mail which was great! He's currently at bootcamp for the army (well... he wrote on Army stationary so I'm guessing that's what he's there for - I should probably be a better friend and find out for sure). Anyway, I've known him since High School and we ended up at the same college. He was in the ROTC his first year and at Tech if you're a freshman and an ROTC member that pretty much means your life sucks nonstop for a whole year. They've got it bad. I'm talking 30 second showers, all these crazy rules etc etc. It's just not fun. I remember letting him come to my room just so he could watch some TV or just letting him use the dorm shower. You get the picture - it's just not fun. Anyway, reading his letters kind of brings me back to Freshman year - the stuff he writes about going through makes me feel so bad for him. He has a way of making his misery so humerous. I love reading his letters for this reason. Also, I love writing and getting letters. They're so much better than e-mail so I think that's why I get so excited when I hear from him. I can't wait to see him back at school - it should be a fun reunion as both of us will have post summer birthdays to celebrate. He is like the big brother I always wish I had and I miss having him around. Oh well... soon enough right? Soon enough.

In other news... I'm going to New York in a little over a weekish to reunite with one of my best friends in the world/celebrate another lap around the sun (translation it's my birthday) and I couldn't be more excited!

More notes on the DR trip:

- European men LOVE their speedos, everyone was wearing them and the few europeans that wern't were in tiny swim trunks... The older the men were, the more neon their speedo color choices. It was interesting to say the least.

- European women don't have to be in Europe to go topless. They play by their rules, EVERYWHERE.

- Red lights are just suggestions to "watch out" after 9pm according to the taxi driver. He said it was the law. I was SO sketched out.

- Dancing + music = 24-7

- They don't believe in the word "no" because I didn't hear anybody say it

- I got to use my French as Haiti is right next door to the DR so it came in handy at the airport and with all of the French people on holiday.

- I was one of four Americans, I felt like I was in the South of France

- I decided dinner on the beach is probably one of my favorite things

- The Europeans like their manpris

- Little french kids are really cute...

- Solitude is nice and not knowing anybody is nice too (sometimes)

- Don't drink water south of the US boarder

- I love being surrounded by palm trees

I'm back from my stint in the DR. It was really nice, I've added pictures to Facebook, I think I'll add some to Flickr tomorrow or whenever I get the chance. There's so much to say about my experience there I don't even know where to begin.

I guess really, it was very simple and I really needed that. The clock in my room was blinking 12:00 when I got there. I never bothered to set it to the correct time. I got lost in the day and didn't have a sense of time. It really didn't matter to me, I just wanted to come and go as I pleased, explore the surrounding area, go to the beach, take naps under palm trees. The concept of time just wasn't important. I've spent the whole year planning my day down to the minute - I had a rough schedule during the school year and couldn't afford to be late, ever so it was just really nice to not have to worry about being somewhere.

I also didn't bring my cellphone with me which was another great life choice. Don't get me wrong, there's NOTHING I love more than hearing from friends - it was just nice to have that time to myself. I think I'm going to start leaving my cellphone at home when I go to lunch or dinner so my time with people I go to eat with isn't interrupted by ringing or calls that I "have to take." In actuality, these calls can probably wait. I think we're programmed to feel a sense of urgency when the phone rings... It's very Pavlovian of us which is sad really, it really redefines what personal interaction really is and it's unsettling.

That's it for now... I'm exhausted... I should probably sleep for real. I guess as the week unfolds I'll write more about the trip and post pictures and work on some sort of clip to post to vimeo.

Over and out.

Day 1

both my flights were delayed yesterday so I didn't actually end up getting here until 2am

the taxi driver waited for 2 hours at the airport... now that's service
he was also the nicest man alive

the drive was so sketchy, they don't have street lights and most people on motorcycles don't drive with their tail lights on... let's just say there's a lot of dodging... it's like a video game
good thing the taxi driver knew the roads well, i was pretty scared

the resort is insane. super gorgeous! the staff is beyond accomidating and they are all so nice.
the food thus far has been delicious
but the highlight has really been the drinks... it's ridiculous everywhere you go there's a bartender, on the beach... in the pool... walking along random sidewalks in the resort... in the lobby... seriously, it's crazy. so far so good...

signing off, more updates later!

DOMINICAN REPUBLIC BOUNNNND!

As of this time tomorrow, I will be in the Dominican Republic! I've never been there before so I am extremely excited. I've heard some great things from friends. Stay tuned for pictures and video clips. I think I'll try to document my trip there this time around and try to figure out how to use the editing software on my computer. The great thing about this trip is that my bar tab was included in my ticket (good call on my part) and I think I will certainly be putting those priveleges to use. I'm all smiles - I really can't wait. Here's a link to the resort just in case you're looking to get away for awhile. Looks great in pictures, hopefully it's that beautiful in person. I'll post an update when I get back.

Yessss!

Tony has archived our Sophomore year on his photo site and I went and looked at the pictures today. I think I laughed for about an hour. It brought back a lot of memories and it also made me realize how glad I am to have slowed down since then.

http://community.webshots.com/user/tdihmes

It begins with the album "Team Fun: taking blacksburg" and then ends with "End of the year wine party."

Those were some really crazy times, I don't think I'd be able to keep up now. I'm not sure if I would want to even if I could. We don't hang out nearly as much as a group anymore - don't get me wrong we still see each other all the time, it's just I don't think anyone really has that much "party" left in them. It's good to notice by looking through all these pictures that we've all grown so much since then.

From time to time I bust out my hokie gear - I do this more so at school than I do when I'm home, but as of late whenever I'm wearing anything virginia tech related people always ask about what happened/if I knew anyone. Luckily so far people have been very polite about it, plus there are a ton of Hokies in northern Virginia which is great - you have extended family everywhere you turn and it makes things easier to talk about because they can all relate. It's amazing. Anyway, I find that every time I talk about Stack or when I tell stories about him, the first thing that always comes out of my mouth is, "he had a heart the size of a mack truck." Reading that just made me smile. It makes me so happy to know that such an amazing person even existed and it reminds me how much better off I am for knowing someone like that. Even in death he still has such a large impact on the people that knew him. My friends say when they drive around the drillfield, they always have an urge to park and walk up to the 32 stones, sit there and talk to him or just reflect. They say they always feel better afterwards - it makes sense. Even though he's not around anymore, just the thought of him can make anyone smile. I think in the future, this is where I'll go at night to clear my head. I carry a picture of him in my wallet... well it's more like a cigarette case turned credit card holder because I don't smoke... ha. It's so good to see his infamous smile constantly throughout the day. It makes it so it doesn't feel like he's so far away. They're never too far away.

random but necessary...

How amazing was the Federer v. Nader match this morning? Seriously... it was really great to watch. Finally Federer plays against somebody who actually has the ability to beat him. I forget which set it was, I think 2nd or 3rd where Nader hit that amazing shot while falling/sitting down and we see the ball hit the line and it's in. The competition was SO good... I was secretly rooting for Nader... but Federer was over the top amazing. He deserved the win. I wish all tennis matches were this exciting. After watching this particular match, I've decided that I need to be a spectator at Wimbledon at some point in my life, preferably sooner than later.

You stay classy, VT!

I got an e-mail today from the psyc department in regards to this year's football game. It's obvious that the first home game will be an emotional one. There has already been talk about turning it into a Hokies United game where everyone wears their HU shirts. I know I'll be wearing mine proudly. On that note, the e-mail served as a reminder that "all eyes will be on us" and that we should continue to conduct ourselves with class just as we did when tragedy struck. Lane Stadium at Virginia tech is notoriously known as one of the toughest places for opposing teams to play, but instead of booing the other team when they run out on our field this year, we should cheer. Why? Because for one day, they were Hokies - they felt our pain, and were quick to offer overwhelming support. You wouldn't boo another Hokie would you? I thought it was really great that the psyc department sent this out - I hope others feel the same way. That doesn't mean that we can't get rowdy during the game, I think in respect for the game, and for those who support us the least we can do is show our respect for people who have helped us so much. Great idea Psyc department!

Oh PS... GET EXCITED because ESPN's Game Day crew are kicking off their season debut at VT's first home game. Tune in as it will probably be amazing.

All this talk of VT football is really making me anticipate my return to campus and to Lane stadium. :)

Speaking of returning to campus... I just bought entirely way too many things for my room. I've lived in the townhouse for a year and it's nice, but I think a few extra touches here and there will make it a lot more comfortable. I have a pretty comfortable bed at school but it does not compare to the one I have at home so I went out and bought a ton of mattress pads/toppers and some jersey sheets today. The dangerous thing about this is a) never wanting to get out of bed and b) not being able to study in bed ever. Haha, I'm okay with that. Other random touches include new curtains, and lamps, and bathroom rugs, and wall art. I decided to go with black and white photos of all things that remind me of New York... why? Because Mike L's perfect black and white picture of the b-bridge in New York is already up and hanging in my room. I figured just to take that and run with it so I purchased more black and whites of New York and one of Audrey Hepburn - I'm not sure if I will put them all up, but it's good to have the option. I'm excited to go back and decorate. It'll make the house feel like it's new. Plus, I have new roommates coming in so it'll be nice to see how different the place will look as I am living with girls this time around.

Come over sometime!

"Soon all the joy that pours from everything makes fountains of your eyes
Because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving you goodbye" - Conor Oberst

I popped in "Fevers and Mirrors" while driving today after not having it on rotation for months. As depressing as this CD is, I don't feel depressed when listening to it at all. Years down the road, if anyone ever asks me to describe my musical tastes circa College, I would just tell them I listened to a lot of Bright Eyes. It's very Bob Dylan-esque, very relatable, very raw, and even heartbreaking at times... the newer CDs are a lot more hopeful... I don't know, I've had a lot of things on my mind lately. Recently, death has been a reoccurring theme around me and it just gets you down after awhile you know? How much can you really take before you are completely torn apart? I was really happy rediscovering this CD today I guess because it comforted me plus it reminded me to listen to some of his newer stuff... the song "Going for the Gold" came on and I just loved the last verse... "I know a girl who cries when she practices violin/Because each note sounds so pure/It just cuts into her/And then the melody comes pouring out her eyes/Now to me, everything else, it just sounds like a lie" I guess if anything, it really reminded me to focus more on the things that are important to me and forget the rest. I should live to the point of tears to really appreciate the beauty in life and the places and people that surround me.

I suppose that was my big "wow" moment of the day.
Sorry if I sound a bit bias towards Bright Eyes, I swear they are not paying me to say good things about them - a friend of mine actually plays violin and tours with them so hearing his part(s) in the songs always makes me happy.

A few things...

- After attempting to resist the Wii, I finally broke down and played it a few days ago. It's pretty much amazing. I especially liked the tennis game. Dare I say, I may even like it more than guitar hero? I think I might.

- I'm still listening to John Legend on repeat.

- I've decided to get a Macbook Pro. I hope it's good to me. I'm kind of excited to figure out how this iChat works. I've heard good things.

- I'm really craving a Bollo's pumpking chocolate chip muffin. I can't wait to go back to school so I can get one.

- I missed Andrew Bird when he was playing at the 9:30 club, but he is going to be in Asheville, North Carolina Sept 11. Yes, it's a Tuesday, but it's ANDREW BIRD! If I don't have an exam the next day... I'm going. This reminds me of the time Josh, Drew, and I drove down to North Carolina for a Bright Eyes concert the day before finals. It was super spontaneous, and SO worth it... we didn't get back until 4am and I actually studied in the car on the way there and back... and by some miracle pulled of an A on the final and in the class so the lesson learned here is.. exam or not, carpe diem and just do it because it's so worth it.

:/

Life is so fragile. Say it out loud to yourself and give it a few seconds to sink in. One of my very good friends came to me today with some bad news. One of her friends had passed away. My heart just sank. I know what it feels like to get the news. I know what it's like to have your world stop. And as cliche as it sounds, that's what really happens. Your brain kind of just freezes, you start to shake, and you're overcome with disbelief - nothing in the world matters as much to you at that moment than that person. Everything else is just a detail to you - people, objects, etc. She is one of my closest friends and I just hate to see her so broken. When the whole incident at Tech occured, she insisted that I come and spend a night at her place before driving home. Luckily, she goes to school 2 hours away from me so that was entirely possible. I did, and there was nothing I needed more than to be with a friend at that moment. I hope I can be as strong for her now as she was for me three months ago. I guess in times like these you really begin to fully grasp how ephemeral everything is. All you can really do is be with your friends so you can help each other through the hard times to come.

"to live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die"
- thomas campbell

Currently Obsessed
I know this is a little after the fact since this was released awhile ago but I'm pretty much in lust with this album right now. I'm not sure if I'm in love with it yet - time will tell. It's really sexy and breezy. I feel like I could play this while cooking with the windows open or have this on rotation while on a road trip. He's really great. If you haven't listened to him yet check him out here and if you like what you hear, but his CD here. Favorite tracks so far include "Save Room" and "P.D.A. (We just don't care)." It's actually all really easy listening - I now I have a crush on his voice.

Oh PS: CNN has a new layout on their website!!!

I like it a lot. It's easier to navigate and it's less cluttered. They got rid of a lot of the lines.

I guess that's not really news, but I pay attention to these sorts of things.

I can't stop crying tonight. I miss them so so much. There was a point a couple weeks back when I realized I wasn't crying myself to sleep anymore over this. I thought it was progress... I don't know what the deal is with tonight, but it's so draining both physically and emotionally. I think it's all because I have much more time on my hands now then when I was at school so I have more time to think about these things. It's so tough and sometimes I wish the tears would just stop. To be able to do that physically you'd have to dehydrate yourself which in turn would just land you in the hospital hooked up to an IV. If those are my choices, I choose crying. I just hate that I'm thinking about this too much and over analyzing a situation that I had no control over.

I guess the only thing getting me through this is knowing that they're okay. Okay maybe not knowing for sure, but innately, I feel a sense of peace in regards to where they are. You've seen their profiles and read about them - what better people to be watching over us right? They're presence is still here and it's strong. I constantly see things that remind me of Stack and they make me smile just like he did. I see him in the perfect weather we've been having. I see him in the songs that I hear that make me want to sing along. I see him in the sunshine that kisses my forehead when I step outside in the morning. I see him in the slight breeze that comes into my room when I crack the window open. I see him in myself and in others around me. He's still very much here and I'm thankful that I haven't forgotten that.

"I'm sorry, I can't talk about it."
- everyone at GW

This weekend was jam packed with friends from all over, new friends, and an additional 200+ miles added to my car. I had a blast.

Friday, I met up with an old friend for coffee. He is a physics expert so he offered to help me out and brush me up on Physics when he learned I was studying for the MCAT. I think we're going to do it again soon but I had a lot of fun catching up with him. His brother actually goes to my school so we've been able to keep in touch all these years. He was actually my physics partner in High School and one of the few people I've kept in touch with since going off to college. It was so good seeing him again.

Afterwards, I went to George Washington University because a friend of a friend was having a little gathering. I had a blast. Everybody was extremely nice and outgoing. I never once felt awkward. It was a great crowd to say the least. We walked in and got called out for being too "preppy." I thought it was a little ironic seeing as we were at George Washington. How do you outprep them? And, the funny thing is, we weren't even dressed to the nines or anything. Just normal going out clothes. Jeans and a tank top. No big deal. Anyway, as we made our way in immediately people began to shake our hands and introduce themselves. It was really nice - different to what I'm use to at Tech. The rest of the night was a lot of fun - the weather was perfect, there were people out on the balcony and tons of good drinks to go around (I had my share of gin and tonics). We got to talk to a lot of people and it was so funny because everyone there had top secret summer jobs, clearance, and all that jazz. When you asked, "hey what are you doing this summer?" The normal response would be, I'm sorry I can't talk about it." TYPICAL DC. As weird as it sounds, I felt like I was home. Every time, I think of home what I think of is friends, their parents, neighbors with jobs that nobody can talk about. It was good to be reminded of that. We even rode home on the metro - what is more DC than that? It's good to be back. Even better is the fact that I have new friends to come home to from now on that will help me reacquaint myself with the city.

Saturday was jam packed full of things to do. I woke up surprisingly early (9am) considering I didn't get back to my house until 4am the night before. It was Heather's birthday and she had her party on her farm. It was a lot of fun seeing friends from school again, some of which had driven 5 hours to be there. Even better was that they didn't tell anyone they were coming despite calls to see if they'd show up. It was a complete surprise. I loved it and pretty much did a running jump that ended with a hug when they all arrived. Unfortunately, I had to leave early because I overbooked my weekend and promised some other friends I would be able to meet them in Charlottesville so I had to drive 2 hours which generally isn't a big deal, but I was pretty tired so it was kind of on edge trying to stay alert. I'm talking windows down and music up. I finally made it there a bit after midnight. The girls were still awake so we stayed up talking/catching up/venting about how our past relationships have sucked/funny things that have happened to us and only us throughout the year. "That WOULD happen" and "Seriously?!" were frequently exchanged and very sarcastically so. It was a fun night. I had a blast. That morning, Dave me up with us and by chance he was in Charlottesville and by chance he had moved a few doors down from where Nina lived so we went and got bagels with him. We were still in our PJs which looked semi normal. We tried to pass it off like we were done with our morning runs and that's why we were dressed the way we were. Needless to say, everyone busted out their sunglasses to hide any signs of the night before, even Dave. Breakfast/brunch was a ton of fun. Dave is HILARIOUS and was cracking jokes that whole time. We were laughing nonstop. What a good way to start Sunday morning! Afterwards, we walked back, looking sketchy as usual and he gave us a tour of his house and came back to see Nina's new digs. More laughter ensued there. I had to leave at this point and it was around 11 am so I said my goodbyes and headed 2 hours north. It was a lot of driving to do within 24 hours but completely worth it. I'm so glad I got to see all my friends and spend time with them this weekend. There's nothing I look forward to more.

Anyway, now I'm back after an amazing weekend and ready to hit the books. Hopefully, there are more weekends like this to come.